Every night, as we dim the lights, my son, a vibrant pre-teen with a knack for sarcasm and a love for gaming, sheds his bravado and shares his innermost thoughts with me. This boy, who’s just like me in so many ways, feels everything with a depth that’s almost palpable. He’s both intense and sensitive—and to me, he’s absolutely wonderful.
But I also see his struggles. When he expresses anxiety over his math test or his desire for a solo in the school concert that consumes his thoughts, I know he’s not just being dramatic—he’s genuinely feeling those anxieties in his very core. When he confides his fears about growing up, wishing he could remain 11 years and 5 months forever, I feel that same ache in my heart as I watch him grow, time slipping through my fingers like sand.
While I know his feelings are completely normal, I desperately want to shield him from all sadness. I want to grant him every wish and freeze time at this precious age—the one he cherishes so dearly. Yet, I can’t do that. I remind him nightly that I can’t control everything, and sometimes, he won’t get what he desires. I joke about my nonexistent time machine, wishing it were real.
As parents, we lack the power to alter the course of time or shield our kids from the inevitable disappointments life throws at them. We want to fix everything for them. When our children complain of a stomachache, we yearn to eradicate their pain. If they face any form of hurt, we’d move mountains to ease their suffering. Sometimes we can help, but often, we simply can’t.
When someone is unkind to our kids, our instincts scream to protect them—yelling, or worse—but we know that’s not the solution. We do our best to distance them from bullies and shield them from the world’s harsh realities, but we can’t be there for every moment of hurt. There will be times they endure pain without us even knowing.
This struggle is part of parenting—watching them grow and slowly learn to navigate the world. In their infancy, we are their everything. If we’re fortunate, their biggest challenges are minor gas pains or a bout of separation anxiety. As they grow, however, it becomes harder to manage their emotions and the myriad issues that arise simply from being human.
I find this sense of powerlessness to be one of the toughest aspects of parenthood. Watching them venture into the world feels like a piece of my heart is wandering outside my body. Nobody prepared me for how challenging this stage would be. Sometimes, I fantasize about whisking my kids away to a secluded island, away from all the chaos of life. Of course, I know that wouldn’t solve anything and would likely be just as difficult. Yet, the desire to shield them from heartache, evil, and disappointment is strong.
I’m coming to understand that my role as a parent isn’t to eliminate all sorrow but to help them accept it. My responsibility is to guide them in coping with their feelings—teaching them to experience, process, and eventually let go of their emotions. This requires me to be brave and strong, to confront my own feelings, and to accept that some things are beyond my control.
This is especially challenging with my older son, who mirrors my own sensitivities. He trusts me completely; in those quiet moments together, he opens up in ways he won’t with anyone else. I sometimes wonder if my own emotional responses to his struggles hinder my ability to support him fully. But as a mom, his heartaches become mine, and I can’t help but feel deeply for him. So, I’ll continue to sit with him, “holding space” for his feelings, assuring him that everything will be alright.
Still, I can’t shake the urge to find a way to make all those tough feelings vanish, to shield him from any jerks or stressors—just to make life a bit gentler. And if anyone has a time machine lying around, I’d love to borrow it.
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Summary
Parenting often involves the desire to shield our children from sadness and disappointment, but the reality is we can’t control everything. Our role is to help them navigate their emotions and cope with life’s challenges. While the instinct to protect them from hurt is strong, understanding that it’s a part of their growth is essential.