“Another turkey sandwich?” my little one asks, his bright blue eyes twinkling with mischief. “What the heck?” I cringe, reminding him once more that such language isn’t suitable for a 3-year-old. Yes, he picked it up from Daddy. Yes, adults sometimes let a curse slip. And yes, Mommy and Daddy need to be more mindful about their language.
It’s a never-ending cycle of correction.
I never imagined I’d turn into one of those parents who say, “Watch your language around the kids!” But here I am, a 40-year-old juggling my words to prevent my son from repeating the colorful phrases I unleashed when I dropped a frozen chicken on my head.
And it gets worse. Think “poopy head” is bad? Just wait until your toddler calls you a “fu—head.” Suddenly, I find myself wishing for the days when a simple “dried neat’s tongue” would suffice.
Every car ride feels like a vocabulary test. “Is ‘darn’ a bad word? What about ‘heck’? Is ‘darn heck’ worth extra credit?”
As a writer, I believe words are just tools for expression, not inherently good or bad. Many celebrated authors have used vibrant language throughout history, from D. H. Lawrence to Henry Miller. I’m not thrilled about censoring my child or labeling certain words—besides the obvious hate speech—as either positive or negative.
Society has its own expectations, though. Every time my toddler lets a curse word slip in public, it feels like he’s waving a flag that says, “My mom is a reckless parent, please call child services!”
Some phrases add to the confusion. “Is ‘Jesus Christ’ a bad word?” he asks, genuinely puzzled. I’m puzzled too. In our mixed-faith home, religion isn’t a major focus. My husband and I struggle to explain these concepts, and I’m pretty sure my toddler doesn’t even know who Jesus Christ is, let alone what being irreverent means.
“No, it’s not a bad word,” I say slowly, searching for clarity. “It’s just… not something you say all the time.”
“But you and Daddy say it,” he insists. And he’s right. I’m left floundering, trying to teach him about expectations that seem completely contradictory. How do you draw the line? Is “Oh my God!” crossing the line? Will the house burst into flames if Daddy exclaims, “Gosh darn it!”?
And let’s not even talk about the “glass houses” argument. Adults get side-eye for a toddler shouting “Jesus Christ!” when they find out there’s no more orange paint in the art set, yet I know plenty of adults who commit the same “offense,” even those who attend church more than twice a year. But hypocrisy is likely too complex for my little one to grasp just yet.
So, I do my best to guide my son toward “clean” language, even if my explanations sometimes feel like a jumble. I encourage him to use “nice words,” think about his manners, and, above all, follow the Golden Rule. And if he slips up, you have my sincere apologies.
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In summary, navigating the world of toddler language can be a comedic challenge for parents. With a mix of humor and sincerity, it’s essential to establish boundaries while also embracing the learning journey.