My family recently embarked on a road trip to our cabin in upstate New York. In the days when my boys were little, this journey was nothing short of a circus. What should have been a four-hour drive often sprawled into an all-day affair, punctuated by countless stops to nurse, change diapers, and soothe two little car-screamers. I can still picture their tiny faces, all blotchy from tears, desperately trying to wriggle out of their car seats. It was torture for everyone involved.
So, needless to say, I’m relieved that phase is behind us.
On our way home from the trip, we took a quick pit stop for some caffeine. My husband and two boys were happily glued to their screens in the car while I braved the long line inside Starbucks. Behind me, a dad was jiggling a cranky baby on his knee, trying to keep him entertained. The baby reached out and tugged at my hair, and I couldn’t help but chuckle.
“Sorry,” the dad said, “he’s just really fussy today.”
I reassured him it was no big deal and that the baby’s antics were adorable. Curious, I asked what was bothering the little one.
“Oh, he just hates the car,” he sighed.
I shared that my kids had a similar aversion and how challenging our car trips used to be. It seemed to lift his spirits a bit. Then, he said, “But I’ll miss this, right?”
I laughed. “You’ll miss some parts, but definitely not the car crying!”
He chuckled along, as we both awaited our coffee orders. As we reached the front of the line, the baby was wailing again, tears streaming down his chubby cheeks. The dad resumed bouncing him, looking slightly embarrassed. I overheard him mutter to a nearby stranger, “But I’ll miss all this, right?”
I understood where he was coming from, and if clinging to that phrase made him feel better, more power to him. However, I often wish that saying didn’t exist. “You’ll miss it” was something I heard often when I first became a mom. I’d voice my frustrations about sleepless nights, the unrelenting demands of a baby, and how I felt like a shell of my former self. The usual response? “Oh, just wait. You’ll miss it all.”
Not exactly the most helpful advice. It made me feel pressured to love every single moment of motherhood without question. Yes, there were aspects I adored, and I truly miss my boys’ babyhood with a heartfelt ache. But the tough times? Not so much. When I was overwhelmed, I needed a place to vent and be honest about how hard parenting could be. Telling me “you’ll miss it” felt dismissive, making me feel ungrateful for sharing my struggles.
So to that dad at the Starbucks and all the new parents out there: It’s perfectly fine to vent. You don’t have to savor every moment. Some parts are just genuinely tough. Getting vomited on at 3 a.m.? Sucks. Sleeping in one-hour increments for six months? Absolutely awful. Bouncing a colicky baby for hours every night? Pure torture.
Complain as much as you need to. You don’t have to apologize. We know you love your kids fiercely and are creating a million unforgettable moments with them—moments you wish you could bottle up and cherish forever. You’re #blessed and #grateful for the good stuff, but that doesn’t mean you have to love every minute. It’s completely normal to acknowledge that parenting can really suck sometimes.
And trust me, you probably won’t miss the endless crying, the sleepless nights, or the messes. You’re not meant to love those parts. What makes you incredible, what makes all that hard stuff worthwhile, is that you keep going anyway. You push through, because your love for your little ones is boundless. You’re a total rockstar, a superhero, and a miracle worker. Every parent is.
So relish in the joyful moments, vent about the hard ones, and keep moving forward. And remember, you’re not alone in this journey. We’ve all been there, and we all deserve a well-earned treat for our efforts.
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Summary
Parenting can be overwhelming, and while you may cherish some moments, it’s okay to acknowledge the tough parts. It’s important to vent and share struggles without feeling guilty. You’re doing an amazing job, and you’re not alone in this journey!