At some point after welcoming Baby #2 into your family, reality will hit you like a ton of bricks. And what’s that reality? You are well and truly in over your head.
Sometimes it sneaks up on you during a chaotic moment. You might be wrestling with a squirmy, poop-covered baby when you suddenly hear your adventurous toddler shout from the other room, “Uh oh!” Or perhaps you’ll coast through the early baby days only to be blindsided by your shortcomings when Child #2 starts to crawl.
Activities that once felt simple are now marathons of mental and physical stamina. Planning a quick trip to the store for milk? Forget about it. Dreaming of preparing a home-cooked meal? The microwave was definitely invented for parents of multiple young kids. And if you were hoping to maintain some semblance of hygiene during bath time without triggering a post-traumatic stress episode, I suggest just hosing everyone down outside for the first couple of years to avoid those bathroom scars.
Because let’s be honest: Bath Time will never be the same.
While siblings can have those heartwarming moments that fill you with joy as you watch their bond deepen, they can just as quickly plunge into chaos that makes you question your life choices—are you about to star in a future Dateline episode?
The chaos reaches its peak when both kids are in the tub together. Maybe the warm water scrambles their brains? Who knows! But the outcome is always the same: bubbles gone rogue. Remember when your first child splashed around gleefully, playing with cute rubber duckies and colorful bath paints? Cherish that memory, because it will fade fast once Child #2 belly flops into the tub.
Say goodbye to innocent splashes. Welcome to the Battle of the Bath. If you manage to wash both kids during this melee, consider yourself a monumental success. Yes, the floor looks like you just tried to bathe two very large fish, but let’s not dwell on that. And if you thought you could navigate this battle without any tears (from either the parents or the kids), you were setting the bar a little too high.
One child will want to splash while the other insists on flailing. Inevitably, one will ramp up the splashing to epic proportions, leading the other to develop an uncanny, sudden “allergy” to water—except for the parts of their body already submerged (it’s an oddly specific allergy).
You’ll try to restore peace by introducing bubbles—who doesn’t love bubbles? Well, that bliss lasts a mere 6.2 seconds before one child is shrieking in horror over bubbles invading their personal space.
In a desperate attempt to salvage this once-beloved activity, you’ll pull out the bath toys. What could possibly go wrong? Spoiler alert: everything. No matter how many toys you toss in, both kids will fixate on the same rubber duck. Obviously, it’s the holy grail of bath toys. Now, it’s your job to decide which child gets it. And good luck trying to take it away; that will only end in inconsolable wails over their childhoods being ruined.
So, you draw an imaginary line down the middle of the tub, divide the toys, and instruct them to play nicely on their assigned sides. They’ve only been in the bath for a whopping two and a half minutes, and somehow, you’ve already sprouted four gray hairs.
By the three-minute mark, the peaceful playtime has devolved into an all-out war, with toys being hurled over the imaginary line and chaos erupting: splashing, ducks transformed into weapons, and naked giggles echoing through the bathroom.
At this point, bath time is officially over. You’ll count those three minutes of water immersion as a win for cleaning the bottom halves of the kids. Let’s hope tomorrow brings a chance to tackle the tops—though don’t get too ambitious; you’re not a miracle worker.
This article was originally published on Oct. 4, 2016.
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Summary
Bathing two children is a chaotic experience that often spirals out of control, turning what used to be a simple task into a full-blown battle. With splashes, tears, and a lot of laughter, parents must adapt to the new reality, often finding themselves overwhelmed yet somehow still managing to get the job done.