Seventeen years ago, on a stunning September morning, I found myself standing at the back of a grand cathedral, glowing in an ivory gown, anxiously peering down the aisle. As my father offered me his arm and the music started playing that familiar wedding hymn, I walked nervously down the white runner, hoping I wouldn’t take an embarrassing tumble in front of our guests. The delightful aroma of fresh roses and sunflowers filled the air as I approached the front of the church, where our eyes locked for the first time that day. In that moment, a wave of calm washed over me, and I knew we could take on the world together. With tears in his eyes, he lifted my veil and simply said, “You’re beautiful.” Surrounded by our loved ones, we exchanged vows to love, honor, and cherish each other.
That memory is just one of countless moments from when we were “The Old Us”—before our lives revolved around mortgages, college funds, and two energetic kids. Back then, we were two carefree souls who barely resemble the adults we’ve become—me with my stretch marks and C-section scars, and him with a receding hairline. Life has become so hectic that we often forget what it’s like to enjoy a dinner without discussing soccer schedules, teacher conferences, or our air conditioning unit that’s on its last legs.
The Old Us was spontaneous, romantic, and full of passion. The New Us? Well, we’re more routine, affectionate, and usually too exhausted for anything beyond binge-watching House Hunters on HGTV.
The gradual unraveling of The Old Us was subtle. It started with new jobs in a new town that kept us busy and filled our lives with projects. Our first home was a whirlwind of renovations and landscaping, and while we were busy, we were together. Then came the babies—the noise, the sleepless nights, and the chaos of diapers. Our children drained the last bits of energy we had, and after long days, we’d collapse on the couch, wondering what The Old Us would think of our hectic new normal. We were tired, but we were in it together.
Over the years, snippets of The Old Us peeked through during anniversaries and holidays. Romantic moments, stolen late-night conversations, and simple acts of kindness reminded us of the promises made long ago. Yet, we often felt like two ships passing in the night, longing for a moment to anchor together in comfortable silence. As our kids grow older, reconnecting has become easier, but rekindling our romantic spark is still a challenge. With the countdown to an empty nest ticking away, we’re realizing we need to revive The Old Us sooner rather than later.
But can we truly go back to The Old Us once the kids head off to college? When the last box is unloaded at the dorm, and we drive home to our quiet house, will we look at each other and struggle to find something to say? Recently, my husband and I acknowledged that if we want our marriage to last, we need to start rekindling The Old Us while our kids are still around. So, we’ve begun to shift our focus back to each other and awaken those old feelings. Here’s what that looks like:
- Sneaking away for a cocktail hour on a random Tuesday while the teens are at home. Honestly, they won’t even notice.
- Meeting for lunch during school hours with a strict “no kid talk” rule. Tough, but totally worth it.
- Exploring new interests that spark engaging conversations (thanks, Hamilton: An American Musical!).
- Realizing dinner can sit on the stove for a few minutes while we sip wine on the patio and chat about our workdays.
- Having deep discussions about retirement and crafting a plan to make that beach house dream a reality together.
- Reaching for each other’s hands, feeling that familiar connection that has seen us through sleepless nights and teenage drama.
- Accepting that we’re both equally excited and nervous about revisiting The Old Us.
- Recognizing that while we’ve aged, we’re still together, battle scars and all.
On our wedding day, our love was fresh and unblemished by time. While I miss the couple we were then, I also have a soft spot for them—they didn’t know the richness that would come from navigating parenthood together, supporting each other through financial stress, or reconciling after heated arguments. The Old Us couldn’t have imagined that nothing is sweeter than when your husband sees you, hair in a messy bun and yoga pants, over the noise of kids and barking dogs, and sincerely says, “You’re beautiful.”
We’re older now, still together, and I can’t wait to reconnect with The Old Us. It’s been far too long.
If you’re interested in more insights on parenthood and relationships, check out our other posts, such as this one about intracervical insemination. And for those thinking about starting or expanding their family, you might want to look into Make a Mom’s at-home insemination kit, which is a great resource on this topic. Additionally, for more valuable guidance on pregnancy and home insemination, you can visit Progyny’s blog.
In summary, rekindling the romance in a long-term relationship takes effort but can lead to deeper intimacy and understanding. By making time for each other and embracing the journey, couples can reconnect and strengthen their bond as they navigate the complexities of life together.