It’s a well-known fact that the things we say to our children, no matter how brief, can leave a significant and lasting impression. Words can uplift or diminish, serve as blessings or curses, and create a whirlwind of emotions (much like the kids themselves). However, there’s one phrase that stands out as particularly perilous — and yet, parents use it frequently. I find myself saying it at least 20 times a day, and I’m sure you do too, often without even realizing it.
What are these seemingly innocent yet risky little phrases?
“Mm-hmm.” Or its equally treacherous cousin, “Uh-huh.”
Technically, they aren’t even words — just sounds that signal we are 1) listening, 2) interested, and 3) in some form of agreement. The irony? More often than not, we’re actually none of those things.
The reason we keep saying them is simple: they often achieve the desired outcome of getting our kids to stop pestering us without having to explicitly say, “Go away! I’m busy.” Saying that would make us feel like awful parents and make the kids feel utterly dismissed. So, we settle for the “mm-hmm” middle ground, as illustrated in this scenario:
Me: *desperately attempting to balance the budget while concentrating*
Son: “Hey Mom, do you know Timmy from school — not the Timmy who eats glue but the one with the cool backpack? He got a new video game for his birthday, and guess what? It’s got dragons and stuff! Can I get a new game too if I finish my chores? Or maybe a cool T-shirt like his?”
Me: “Mm-hmm.”
Son: “Thanks, Mom! You’re the best!” *runs off*
In moments like this, it works perfectly. We can return to our important tasks while our kids feel acknowledged. In reality, I may have only caught a few keywords — dragons, video games, T-shirts — but it suffices.
Of course, it’s crucial to genuinely listen to our kids — to pause what we’re doing, make eye contact, and truly engage. If they only approached us when we were free, like when we’re folding laundry or doing mundane chores, it would be easier. But kids have an uncanny knack for wanting to chat while we’re on the phone with the insurance company or racing against a work deadline. So, we resort to our standby response, the “mm-hmm,” which is like the attractive but shallow cousin of real listening.
However, while “mm-hmm” can be a quick fix, it’s also a gamble. It’s like playing roulette. It works often enough for us to trust it, but it can also backfire spectacularly. Instead of a casual chat about video games, it could lead to a conversation like this:
“Hey, Mom, do you remember that cat Grandma had named Whiskers? Well, my friend Kevin — not the Kevin who spills juice everywhere but the one who plays soccer — found a cat that looks just like Whiskers! It’s super skinny and has a crusty eye, and his mom won’t let him keep it. Can we take it in?”
In this case, “mm-hmm” might grant you that moment of peace, but it could also bring home a sick cat and a heap of moral dilemmas. Not exactly the best outcome.
Final Thoughts
So, fellow parents, tread carefully. The very phrase that seems to save our sanity can often make things infinitely more complicated. If you want to learn more about home insemination and parenting, check out this post.
In conclusion, while it’s tempting to use quick responses to regain our focus, being present with our children can lead to more meaningful interactions. For more resources on pregnancy and home insemination, visit Mount Sinai.