Ah, my precious child, let’s get straight to the point: you’re driving me absolutely bonkers. I know you’re only 4 and that the dark, imaginary monsters, and the thought of being alone can be terrifying. Trust me, just a few weeks ago, your dad and I were convinced that the weird noises from the washing machine were the signs of a home invasion. When he bravely ventured out to confront the “intruder,” I honestly didn’t think he’d return. In that moment, I wished I had a comforting blanket like you do. The dark can be scary. Strange sounds can be unsettling.
But here’s the deal: the things that go bump in the night will haunt you forever. None of us are as fearless as we pretend to be.
That said, we need to rework this sleeping arrangement. Your grandparents were nothing short of superheroes, managing to raise four kids—yes, four whole childhoods filled with nightmares, storms, and midnight cuddles—with a finesse that I can only aspire to. I’m trying! I truly am! But I was not prepared for this level of nighttime chaos. No one warned me!
I’m not sure how you developed that starfish sleeping style, but let me tell you, it’s not very conducive to fitting two grown-ups and one little person in a queen-sized bed. I could tolerate the sliver of mattress if it meant a restful night’s sleep. Unfortunately, that’s not the reality we live in. Apparently, starfish children have an innate ability to flop around as if they’re swimming in an invisible ocean. And somehow, they have built-in radar that locks onto anything in their vicinity—especially when that “anything” is called Mom. Dads? They seem to have a free pass.
Sometimes it’s just the starfish. Other times, it’s a ghostly figure looming over me until I wake up in sheer terror. Even then, I feel guilty letting you crawl into bed with me because my scream sends you into tears, claiming I scared you. Regardless of your form, it’s utterly exhausting.
Sweetheart, I love you. You are my everything. But for the love of all things cozy, if I have to peel your sticky, sweaty feet off my face more than once a night, you might just wake up to a very grumpy mom at dawn—and not the cute kind. Nobody wants that.
I realize I’m not completely innocent in this. I’ve allowed this nightly drama to flourish, as numerous parenting websites and self-help books would suggest. So yes, I admit it, I’m guilty.
Just know this: my love for you is so immense that the thought of denying you comfort in the face of your fears is unfathomable, even when it means sacrificing my own comfort. The truth is, while part of me longs for a peaceful night’s rest again, I also understand that these fleeting moments are precious.
Yes, I want the starfish out of my bed. Maybe we can negotiate a sleeping bag on the floor? Just a thought. But remember, my darling, you never have to fear being alone or the dark. You can always find solace with your parents… until you grow up and the washing machine goes rogue, then you’re on your own.
Love, Grumpy Mommy
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Summary: Parent-child bedtime struggles are a relatable challenge, especially when children exhibit behaviors like starfish sleeping that disrupt the peace. Finding a solution that allows for comfort and reassurance is key.