The small, folded note slid across the library floor and halted at the toe of my sneakers. Glancing around the empty aisle where I was nestled with my book, I felt a chill. No one was in sight. I set my novel down and picked up the note, my heart racing as I read the words from two girls I had considered friends just hours earlier. They referred to me as “It” and used some choice language to criticize my clothes, hair, and grades. Tears streamed down my face as I crumpled the paper and stuffed it into my pocket. I rushed to the bathroom, staying there until the bell summoned me back to class.
Thus began a painful period filled with harassment, rumors, and exclusion. Those two girls made it their mission to make my life miserable. They slipped nasty notes in class, warned others to steer clear of me, and ensured I was left off the guest list for after-school hangouts. Confused and scared, I couldn’t figure out why my friends had turned on me, and I felt too ashamed to confide in anyone, believing I had to endure it alone.
Fast forward a few decades, and my 11-year-old is starting middle school. As the parent of three girls, I often hear about the female brand of meanness that can erupt during these years. With hormones and shifting friendships, girls may test their social power in hurtful ways. While my daughter hasn’t faced any major issues yet, here are some crucial lessons I want her to grasp when confronting mean girls:
- Meanness is Never Acceptable.
No matter the reason behind someone’s unkindness, it’s never justified. I spent too long trying to understand why those girls were cruel to me, as if I had somehow provoked them. Even if I had, it didn’t excuse their behavior. - Trust Yourself.
Don’t let anyone dictate who you are or what you’re worth. When those girls insulted me, I began to internalize their words, which shook my confidence. Remember, you are incredible—flaws and all. Never let anyone convince you otherwise! - Seek Support.
Some kids can confront their tormentors, while others, like middle school me, need help. If you feel stuck or uncomfortable addressing the issue alone, reach out to a teacher, me, or another trusted adult. It’s hard, especially if the mean girl is popular, but you don’t have to face this alone. There’s always someone ready to listen and help. - Be an Ally.
Meanness is unacceptable whether it’s directed at you or someone else. Stand up against it or seek help. Ignoring it only allows the cycle to continue. When you and your friends confront mean behavior, it sends a message that such actions won’t be tolerated. - Mean Girls are Human Too.
While it won’t alleviate your pain, understanding that a mean girl might be struggling can provide some perspective. I learned later that one of my bullies had a tumultuous home life, which didn’t excuse her actions but helped me realize she was fighting her own battles. - Don’t Be a Mean Girl.
We’ve all had bad days or felt annoyed, but it’s essential to check ourselves. Make sure you’re not unwittingly projecting your frustrations onto others. Being a mean girl is exhausting and ultimately unfulfilling. If you’re struggling, talk to me. There are healthier ways to cope with those feelings without dragging someone else down.
Eventually, a teacher intervened and dealt with the girls who had been harassing me. This gave me the courage to speak to my parents and confront them, who later apologized. Though I forgave them, I chose to distance myself and found a supportive group of friends instead. That experience was tough, but it taught me valuable lessons for the future. The world is filled with challenging people, but instilling self-confidence in my daughter and encouraging her to confront bullies will make it harder for the mean girls to dominate the hallways.
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Summary:
This article offers six essential lessons for tweens on handling meanness in middle school, emphasizing self-worth, seeking support, and understanding others while also advocating for kindness. Encouraging resilience and confidence can empower young girls to navigate the complexities of social interactions effectively.