Every woman’s experience is unique, and the nuances of each menstrual cycle can cause a wide array of thoughts and feelings. However, here’s a humorous take on what many women might be thinking as they navigate their periods.
Day 0
Oh no, if my partner so much as glances at my stash of mint chocolate truffles, someone’s losing a hand! Did I remember to grab ice cream? I suddenly have cravings for everything—potato chips, specifically salt and vinegar or maybe barbecue? Or just all the food? I worked hard, I deserve a feast! Wait, is that a puppy on TV? Aww, so adorable! Oh no, not that Sarah McLachlan song! Cue the tears… Time to adopt a dog. And I need tissues, antacids because my stomach is a balloon, and maybe a nap. But if my partner touches me, I might just explode!
Day 1
Well, hello, old friend. Thanks for ruining my favorite underwear with your surprise arrival! I bought these to feel cute, and now I’m just thinking about laundry. Great, thanks for the reminder that I’m not a crazy person—I’m just hungry. Time to hunt down some cheeseburgers.
Day 2
Cramps, oh the cramps! After two decades, they only seem to get worse. I could use an aspirin or thirty right now and a heating pad. Why is it so hard to get comfortable? Why does one part of my body cause so much agony? I need a comforting movie, soup, and maybe a visit from my mom.
Day 3
Whoever said exercise relieves cramps clearly never tried it during their period! Instead of feeling relaxed or euphoric, all I felt was a wave of blood. Sure, it’s “natural” and “normal,” but that doesn’t make it any less gross. Everything is just… gross.
Day 4
Things are looking up! I think this is winding down. I no longer need those massive postpartum pads, which is a relief. I might even dare to wear jeans again! I washed my hair today—progress! But I’ll keep my struggles under wraps from my partner; he doesn’t need to know I’m feeling better just yet. He’ll think it’s still a horror show down there!
Day 5
Yes! Just a panty liner left! Aunt Flo is almost out the door. I can finally break out my sexy underwear! Just wish I could recover the hair I lost during my awkward pad removal yesterday. Who knew I’d be my own waxer? But it’s all good; I won’t have to deal with this for another month!
Day 6
Waking up without a period is the best feeling! Bring on the thongs and white pants. Take that, uterus!
Day 7
Seriously? I thought it was all over! Guess I’ll have to toss this pair of underwear.
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Summary
Menstrual cycles can lead to a variety of thoughts and feelings that range from cravings and discomfort to humor and relief. Each day brings its own challenges and changes, ultimately culminating in a sense of freedom when the period finally ends.