A few months before my daughter arrived, I left my job as a preschool teacher to help my partner start a brick-and-mortar business. But life took a turn, and we had to shut down the business just a year and a half in. Now, we’re plotting our next big move, which involves relocating quite a distance away. For now, however, we’re saving money by staying on the second floor of my partner’s family home in his hometown.
Here are four of the most exasperating things I’ve encountered so far:
1. Grandparents’ Spoiling Rights Drive Moms Crazy.
Grandparents adore their grandkids—there’s no doubt about that. And the best part of being a grandparent? They get to be the fun ones without all the heavy lifting of parenting. But this also means they feel entitled to spoil. It’s all fun and games until it’s bedtime, and your child is wired from too many sweets and crazy playtime. My daughter used to understand when I said, “No more snacks,” but now she’s constantly following anyone with food around, whining for more. Sleep? Forget it. Grandpa shows up, and suddenly she’s racing around instead of winding down.
2. They Take Offense to Your Parenting Choices.
“Oh, I let my son ride in my lap while driving, and he survived.” “I put a blanket in the crib, and he turned out fine.” Great, but parenting guidelines have evolved. I get it; you did your best with what you knew back then, but I have to stick to current recommendations. Explaining for the umpteenth time why my child must be in a rear-facing car seat or why she doesn’t need a daily bath can feel like an uphill battle. They sometimes see this as an affront to their expertise, even when I start with, “Experts today recommend…”
3. You’re Also Under Scrutiny.
While grandparents may feel defensive, you’re stuck defending your choices too. It’s not enough to say, “Don’t let her play with that.” I feel like I’m giving a TED talk on why empty pill bottles aren’t toys. Even when they reluctantly agree, I still hear mutterings like, “I don’t really think so, but I guess we have to.” And when I find out later they’ve been gossiping about my parenting choices? It’s like being back in high school without the sweet escape of blasting angsty music.
4. The Interrogation Never Ends.
Remember when you were a teenager and your parents grilled you about your plans? Well, it seems that doesn’t change when you move back home. My partner and I are in our 30s, but it feels like we’re back in high school. They need every detail of our outings: Where are we going? What did we eat? Did the baby poop while we were gone? And don’t even get me started on the barrage of questions about her schedule. It’s exhausting.
Despite the challenges, living with parents has its perks. They love spending time with my daughter, which means I can take a breather. Even if I’m not thrilled about leaving her alone with Grandma and Grandpa (did they really just give her ice cream?), I can sit back and take a moment for myself. Someone else can build towers or read the same story for the hundredth time. They’re more than happy to pitch in—except for maybe the diaper changes.
In summary, living with your parents while trying to raise your children can be a test of patience, but it’s also an opportunity for family bonding. Remember that even amidst the chaos, they genuinely want to be involved in your child’s life.
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