I recognize which one of my little ones drifts off to dreamland on her back and which one wakes up with a rumbling belly. I know the one who craves a snuggle and the other who prefers her space. I can identify their playful footsteps as they tiptoe through their latest mischief, hear the giggles that spill out in delight. One loves to color, while the other gets lost in whimsical daydreams. I cherish their little habits, their favorite things, and the sweet whispers they share with me as we sit together on the porch, watching a summer rainstorm.
I sit cross-legged on the floor, a front-row spectator to their imaginative creations and the thrill they feel over the tallest tower they’ve built yet. I break into spontaneous dance when we just need a moment of silliness. I shower them with kisses and cuddles, reminding them, “Sweetheart, don’t you know how incredibly brave you are?”
I’m a decent mama.
But then something drops, a drink spills, and plans go awry. They might wrestle a bit too roughly, take their sweet time to obey, or utter words I’ve explicitly asked them to avoid. They push boundaries, make choices that aren’t the best.
They’re just being kids, really. And that’s when I crack.
In an instant, I transform into the mama I promised I wouldn’t be—I raise my voice. I shout, if we’re being honest. My kids freeze—now I have their attention. The composed version of me has shattered, leaving behind a worn-out, impatient, barely-holding-it-together mama who takes it out on her little ones.
I’m a terrible mama. The absolute worst.
I spiral into thoughts that I’m going to mess up my kids. How will they reconcile the fun, creative, loving mama who occasionally offers ice cream for dinner just because it’s Tuesday with the irritated version of me that’s losing it because they took too long to pick up their shoes?
The speed of this emotional switch catches me off guard. It makes me question my ability to parent. Can I nurture my babies with love, strength, and confidence, then send them out into the world ready to thrive?
Sometimes, I see myself as a failure. Plain and simple: failing at being a parent.
Am I the only one who feels like I’m pouring everything into this, yet it still isn’t enough?
I can’t be the only mama who feels like she’s falling short. Right?
We look at other moms and keep a mental score of how we don’t measure up. We don’t finish the laundry, complete projects, or maintain a spotless kitchen. We snap at our kids, forget to return calls, and find it hard to savor every moment. We don’t wake up early, don’t do yoga, don’t cook every meal from scratch. We’re exhausted. We’re late, irritated, overwhelmed, just trying to keep our heads above water.
We seem put together until we don’t.
We’re patient until we’re not.
We see grace until we’re blind.
But here’s where we need to pause.
It’s not that grace has vanished; it’s that I become unable to recognize it.
I can’t see the light when I’m solely focused on the dark.
We feel like failures because we’re measuring ourselves against unrealistic ideals. We conjure up images of a woman with a flawless marriage, 9% body fat from early morning workouts, homemade organic meals, spotless toilets, well-mannered kids, PTA leadership, and volunteering at church while also preparing meals for her neighbors. We create impossible standards we can never meet and see our failures where there are none.
These fake benchmarks only cloud our vision, blocking us from recognizing the grace in our lives that lights up our paths. When we learn to reject these unattainable standards, we begin to spot the beauty around us, making the stars shine brighter against the dark.
Mama, if you’re feeling like a failure—stop—because you’re not.
You’re doing an incredible job.
Your children don’t need a mom who’s stressed about keeping it all together or measuring up to Pinterest-perfect standards. They need a mom who lives fully, loves deeply, and is wholeheartedly present.
We need not fret about maintaining perfection or achieving standards that are impossible to meet.
All we need to do is infuse our small moments with big love.
It’s love that can wash away a multitude of “not-good-enoughs.” Small moments filled with love happen when we rise in the morning, splash around in the pool with the tinies, and cook meal after meal. Love in these small moments helps us understand that every bit of our lives is significant and that grace often hides in the ordinary. It encourages us to take the next breath, put one foot in front of the other, and see the decade of raising children as wild, exhausting, and beautifully magical.
Love is bigger, deeper, wilder, and freer than we can ever imagine. It’s fierce as we protect our little ones, tender as we kiss scraped knees or comfort a broken heart.
Love is exhausting, sacrificial, courageous, and true. It’s the gentle reminder that it always prevails.
So, mamas, you’re not failing; you love your babies fiercely. Silence the ‘not-good-enoughs’ and the nagging voices that tell you to do more, be more, achieve more. And remember to love yourself fiercely too.
Keep on doing what you’re doing, and tackle the next small thing with immense love. Then, take a moment to appreciate the magical life you’re crafting and notice the stars shining above.
For more insights on this journey, check out this blog post that dives deeper into the beauty of parenting. If you’re looking for resources on home insemination, CryoBaby has excellent information to guide you, and this support group can be a great resource for those navigating pregnancy and fertility challenges.
Summary
In this heartfelt piece, Emma Thompson reflects on the ups and downs of motherhood, addressing the feelings of inadequacy many moms experience. She reminds readers that they are not alone in their struggles and encourages them to silence the voices of self-doubt. By embracing love in everyday moments, mothers can recognize their worth and the beauty of their parenting journey.