Let’s face it: marriage can be a real challenge. “Challenging” doesn’t quite capture the whirlwind of emotions and complexities that come with it. It’s like trying to describe a rollercoaster as just a ride—too simplistic to do it justice. For me, it’s been even tougher because I didn’t grow up in a model marriage. My parents were always at each other’s throats, and affection wasn’t exactly on display. I often found myself wondering if they truly loved one another or if they were just sticking it out because of their beliefs.
Divorce, too, is no picnic.
I visualize marriage as an abstract piece of art—colors splattered in a chaotic yet intentional way, showcasing a mix of beauty and messiness. It can be breathtaking one moment and mundane the next. Sometimes it hangs there, heavy and unexplainable, right in front of you.
Maybe it’s the reactions I’ve received about my own divorce that led me to believe no one wants to hear about the struggles within a marriage. So, I often put on a brave face. Let me just post some happy selfies and rave about how fantastic our relationship is—look at us, still together! If you’d peeked in seven years ago, you’d have seen a lot of that. I needed to project an image of perfection while internally I was terrified that we were nearing the end.
What a facade I was presenting to the world!
Here we are, still hanging on (Seriously, 11 years? What?). Despite my earlier post about our marriage on the brink of collapse, we’ve danced along that edge countless times. I didn’t share the tough conversations we’ve had, the betrayals we inflicted on each other—one out of neglect, the other out of spite. I didn’t talk about our struggles with communication or the breakthroughs we eventually made. I skipped over the discussions about polyamory that helped us discover more about each other and ourselves. I didn’t mention the times we stumbled over our words, racing to be more hurtful. And I certainly didn’t highlight the sincere apologies exchanged or the acknowledgment of our mutual failures in this partnership. There’s a heavy weight of shame—whether self-imposed or societal—when it comes to admitting that relationships can be downright tough.
That’s certainly what I’ve gleaned from social media.
There’s nothing wrong with celebrating a solid marriage, but there is something unsettling about comparing ourselves to the polished snapshots others present and assuming their relationships are devoid of struggles. It’s problematic when we buy into the notion that marriages exist solely in the realm of memes that criticize those who have divorced or “thrown in the towel,” or in the overly sentimental posts glorifying wedded bliss—like there’s no middle ground.
I’m a fan of that middle ground.
That’s where my marriage currently resides, occupying a space where we can both express our unique needs and differences. It doesn’t thrive because of some magical love spell or a foolproof strategy. It works because we’ve let go of the idea that marriage needs to be flawless, as dictated by others. Every relationship has its own set of rules, and none of them are inherently wrong. You do you.
But can we all agree that marriage can be tough sometimes?
In conclusion, while marriage has its highs and lows, embracing the reality of it all can pave the way for genuine connection and understanding. Whether you’re navigating the intricacies of a relationship or exploring options like at-home insemination, knowing that you’re not alone can make all the difference. For more information, check out this excellent resource for pregnancy and home insemination.