You remember the days when you were all about it. As a teen, it consumed your thoughts. When you first tied the knot, it was a nightly ritual, and you couldn’t fathom how anyone could possibly skip out on it. There were times you just couldn’t get enough. You were the one who was all in—multiple times in a night, getting creative with it. But now? You find yourself struggling to even think about it once a month. You’ve become that person you once looked down on, the one who only manages to have sex every couple of weeks. You’re not always in the mood, and guess what? That’s perfectly okay.
Setting the Record Straight
Let’s set the record straight: You don’t owe anyone sex. Forget about “marital rights” or “spousal obligations.” You aren’t required to share your body with anyone if you’re not feeling it, whether you’re feeling pressure or not. It doesn’t matter if you used to have a wild sex life with whips and chains or if you were once the poster child for teenage libido. Just because you used to have a vibrant sex life doesn’t mean you owe your partner the same level of intimacy now.
Society often implies that women owe men sex in various scenarios—like when he buys you dinner, during dating, or especially after you say “I do.” The fear is that if we don’t comply, our partners might seek satisfaction elsewhere or even leave us. But in a healthy relationship, no one should feel obligated to have sex.
The Exhaustion of Motherhood
Being a mom is exhausting. You have little ones clinging to you at all hours. They want to be in your lap, your arms, and sometimes even in your bed. When they finally drift off to sleep, your body might just need a break from all the touching and holding. It’s normal to feel “touched out,” and viewing sex as just another demand can happen at this stage of life.
Postpartum Hormones and Their Impact
Postpartum hormones play a significant role too. They might amplify your nurturing instincts toward your baby, often leaving less desire for your partner. If you’re breastfeeding, the hormone prolactin can further decrease your interest in sex, both physically and mentally. The rare moments of intimacy you do have can feel like a bonus.
Logistical Challenges
And let’s not forget about the logistics. With kids in the house, privacy is often a luxury. The baby might be nearby, and older children can burst in at any moment. Sure, you can lock the door, but that doesn’t stop them from banging and yelling, “Mommy! I need you!” Just knowing this could happen can completely kill the mood.
Body Image Changes
Many women also experience changes in how they feel about their bodies after giving birth. You might not feel the same confidence you once had. I went from being fit and fabulous to dealing with sagging skin, stretch marks, and an extra 20 pounds that just won’t budge. Even if your partner reassures you that you’re still attractive, it can be tough to believe.
The Impact of Postpartum Depression
Moreover, research from the CDC shows that 11 to 20% of women experience postpartum depression, which can significantly impact your interest in sex. Depression can dampen libido, and medications often have side effects that can make achieving orgasm difficult or even impossible. Who wants to go through all the hassle if the payoff isn’t there?
Your Body, Your Choice
Ultimately, your body is yours. If you’re not in the mood tonight, or for several nights in a row, that’s absolutely okay. While sex can be enjoyable, you have every right to say no. It’s not just a right as a mother; it’s a right as a woman. Embrace your power to decline.
For more insights into motherhood and intimacy, check out this excellent resource on family building options.
Summary
It’s normal for your interest in sex to fluctuate, especially after becoming a parent. You don’t owe anyone intimacy if you’re not feeling it, and it’s crucial to recognize your own comfort and boundaries. Whether it’s due to exhaustion, changing hormones, or just needing personal space, it’s completely fine to prioritize your needs.