Let’s chat about a topic that often gets swept under the rug: those challenging kids. You know the ones—people label them as “badly behaved,” “poorly disciplined,” or “excessively demanding.” These are the children who don’t constantly beam with cheerful smiles or shower hugs on every stranger. They’re not the ones who will simply roll with the punches in new situations.
Nope, they’ll turn their nose up at that new pizza brand you bought, and they definitely aren’t excited about that summer camp you just signed them up for. They have nightmares, big worries, and they’re quick to yell or cry. Often, they come across as anxious or even angry. “Intense” seems to be the perfect word for them.
I’ve got two kids, and one of them is just like that. People love to say, “Oh, mine is tough too! All kids are tough!” Sure, in a way, all children bring their own unique challenges. But only parents with a strong-willed child like mine truly get what I’m talking about.
We know the painful feeling of watching our child’s personality clash with what others expect: “Why wouldn’t he high-five me right away?” “Why is she only eating crackers today?” “Something must be wrong with that kid.” “Why did he shout when I won?” “Why doesn’t she want to play with the dollhouse?” “A good smack on the behind is all that kid needs.”
I’ve heard these remarks about my spirited child—sometimes to my face, often behind my back—who’s only 6. It’s draining, isolating, and hurtful.
These kids are intense—trust me on that. It’s not just “oh, she throws a tantrum now and then.” It’s a whole different ball game. Kids like mine are emotionally charged almost from the moment they enter the world. I can still recall the technician chuckling at my little one, dancing around on the ultrasound screen.
Children like my son can be demanding, hard to please, and anxious. The list goes on. But here’s the deal: they’re still kids. If you take the time to look beneath their tough exterior, you’ll find they’re sweet and have kind hearts. They’re not spoiled or neglected or over-praised.
I don’t believe I did anything to “create” my son’s challenging nature, though I’ve certainly made my share of parenting errors. On good days, I affectionately call him my “grumpy old man” and find him quite endearing. Anyone who takes the time (which I know requires effort) to sit down with him for a few minutes will discover he’s a delightful little guy. He’s sharp, engaging, affectionate, and has a fantastic sense of humor.
To those who don’t have an intense, strong-willed child, please consider giving a little extra grace to kids like mine. Resist the urge to judge. Don’t assume there’s something wrong with them (or their parents). Try not to take their protective exterior personally; they’ve built that for a reason.
You might be pleasantly surprised. And most importantly, know that your patience won’t go unnoticed by either the child or the parent. I can assure you of that.
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In summary, let’s give our emotionally intense children the understanding they deserve. They may surprise you with their depth and charm, so take a moment to appreciate their unique perspectives.