Today, I waved goodbye as my youngest son headed off to kindergarten. Honestly, I expected to feel ecstatic about this milestone. He’s my “energetic” child, and my days with him often devolve into a whirlwind of managing chaos, also known as “redirecting.” By the time evening rolls around, I’m completely drained and often teetering on the brink of tears. The thought of having a few hours of peace to enjoy simple outings with my daughter — like visiting a museum or taking a stroll in the park — seemed like a dream.
As I tucked him into bed last night, he asked the usual questions that come with starting school.
“Will I have to bring my school supplies home every day?”
“No, sweetheart. They’ll stay at school.”
“But what if I have homework?”
“You’ll bring home any work you need to do, but we have everything else you’ll need right here.”
“What if I need to cut paper?”
“We have scissors, buddy.”
“We do? Where?!?”
“I’ll show you later.”
“What if my teacher yells at me?”
“Why would your teacher yell?”
“Because I’m bad. I’m always bad. What if she hates me?”
Wait, what? I was taken aback. I had no idea my son viewed himself this way. Yes, he’s reminded of household rules and may spend more time in his room than his siblings, but we’ve always tried to emphasize love and support. We reward his good behavior with stickers and praise. Still, he believes he’s “bad.” Hearing him say this broke my heart.
At such a young age, he’s already grappling with the self-shaming that often accompanies ADHD. My little boy with his bright blue eyes and gentle spirit — the one who snuggles his little sister with a blanket when she falls asleep on the couch and cheers for his older brother at baseball games. How could he think he deserves “hate” from his soon-to-be teacher?
As he walked toward the colossal school doors, I felt tears welling up. When did those doors get so intimidating? He blended into the crowd of students, dwarfed by his oversized backpack and older kids. He didn’t look back, my brave little guy. I know he’s anxious, but he’s stepping into a new world — one that I hope will embrace him for who he is, a kind-hearted boy.
As I got back to my car, the tears streamed down my face uncontrollably. “What’s wrong, Mommy?” my daughter asked.
“I’m just going to miss that boy so much,” I replied through sobs.
With understanding, she said, “I know, Mommy. He’s my best boy. I will really miss my good boy.”
Oh, how I hope the world sees him the way we do.
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Summary
This touching narrative explores the emotional journey of sending a child with ADHD off to kindergarten, highlighting the challenges of self-perception and parental love. It emphasizes the importance of understanding and embracing children for who they are, while also providing resources for further exploration of family planning.