So, you’re about to embark on the journey of parenthood as a gay individual or couple? Congratulations! You’ve likely navigated various paths to arrive here, whether through adoption, IVF, artificial insemination, surrogacy, or fostering. Now, it’s time to prepare for the next chapter.
Don’t fret, this won’t be another generic list telling you to stock up on diapers or learn CPR. Most LGBTQ+ parents are probably well ahead in their preparations since planning a family is often a long-term endeavor. I remember eagerly signing up for baby classes when the time came.
This article is tailored for you, the expectant gay parent, because there are crucial aspects of parenting that traditional baby classes might overlook. You’ll face unique experiences as part of a non-traditional family, and I’m here to share some insights on how to navigate them.
1. Your Kids Will Need Perspective
No matter where you live, your children might feel a little different from their peers. They’ll notice that most families consist of a mom and dad, and they might wonder why their family looks different.
The best way to address this is to embrace your uniqueness from the start. Celebrate your family’s identity and discuss what makes it special in a positive light. There are fantastic children’s books about families with same-sex parents that can help. For instance, we adore “The Family Book” by Todd Parr, where we enthusiastically point out, “Some families have two moms or two dads.” When I ask my kids, “Who has two dads?”, they cheerfully shout, “Me!!!”
As they grow, they may ask challenging questions, and when they do, I’ll remind them that our family structure is a beautiful part of who we are. Sure, moms are wonderful, but having two dads is what makes us, us.
2. You’ll Be Outing Yourself Constantly
Unless you’re always sporting your rainbow gear, you might pass for straight most of the time. This is usually fine when you’re childless, but once you have kids, people are more likely to assume you’re heterosexual.
I can’t tell you how many times someone has commented, “Your wife must be lucky!” while I’m out with my kids. Even when my partner, Jake, is with us, people often assume we’re just friends with kids.
It’s tempting to play along for the sake of social ease, but remember that your kids deserve to see you embrace who you are. When someone makes an assumption, I correct them politely by saying, “Actually, we don’t have a mom; we have two dads.” I brace myself for their reaction, but more often than not, they apologize for assuming, which opens a dialogue about our family.
Your kids come first. Don’t worry about what a stranger thinks. If you’re in a rush, just gently correct them and keep moving.
3. You’ll Become an Advocate for Non-Traditional Families
As a gay individual without kids, it’s easy to remain in a supportive bubble. But once you have children, you’ll find yourself stepping outside that comfort zone frequently. Your kids will engage with peers from more traditional family structures, and you’ll interact with individuals who may not fully understand or support LGBTQ+ families.
This isn’t about being political; it’s about ensuring your kids grow up in a world that is accepting. For example, during my kids’ preschool enrollment, I noticed the form asked for “Mother’s Name” and “Father’s Name.” Instead of raising a fuss, I simply crossed out “Mother” and wrote “Father #2.” The next year, I noticed they’d updated their forms to be more inclusive, indicating that gentle advocacy can lead to meaningful change.
4. Most People Will Be Kind
Before I became a parent, I worried about facing hostility. However, I’ve largely been met with kindness. While some may harbor negative feelings, I’ve mostly encountered polite curiosity or support.
Interestingly, many people are eager to share their connections with other LGBTQ+ families. I often hear comments like, “My sister and her wife are starting a family. How exciting!” These interactions can be heartwarming and reaffirming.
5. Be Yourself and Take Pride
Always assume the best in people, and you’ll often receive it in return. Equip yourself with knowledge about parenting essentials—feeding, diapering, swaddling, and bathing. Being a parent, whether gay or straight, is a deeply rewarding yet challenging experience.
For more insights on this journey, check out this blog post that delves deeper into family dynamics. If you’re considering home insemination, reliable resources like CDC offer valuable information on pregnancy and home insemination. You can also find quality at-home insemination kits at Make A Mom.
Summary
Embarking on the adventure of parenthood as a gay individual or couple presents unique challenges and rewards. From advocating for your family to encountering assumptions from others, every experience offers an opportunity to embrace and celebrate who you are. Remember, your family is special, and you have the power to shape a positive narrative for your children.
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