Updated: Aug. 23, 2016
Originally Published: Aug. 23, 2016
“So, Mom, there’s this party I want to go to on Saturday night…”
When my teenage daughter, Mia, casually dropped this bombshell during a Starbucks run toward the end of her eighth-grade year, my sunny mood hit a major speed bump. My mind went from “I love being a parent” to “Wait, whose party? Where is it? Are the parents around? Is alcohol involved?!” faster than I could hit the brakes.
I tried to keep my cool, gripping the steering wheel like it was a lifeline, and cranked up the radio to drown out my racing thoughts. I was desperate to avoid the dreaded “Mom, are you even listening?” moment.
“Mom? The party?”
I pulled into a parking spot, turned off the engine, and faced Mia, ready to tackle what we had avoided discussing: the facts, expectations, and consequences of teen drinking. “Alright, tell me about this party,” I said, hoping for a solid plan.
The host was a friend of a friend, and the invite had come through Instagram. Mia didn’t even know if the girl’s parents would be home or where the party was taking place. As she passionately argued that all her friends were going and she couldn’t be the only one missing out, I wrestled with the urge to shut it down completely. But I had to know: “Will there be alcohol?”
She glanced at her lap and replied, “Honestly, Mom, I don’t know, but probably.”
And there it was. At just 13, Mia was stepping into a world where alcohol could easily creep in, yet she didn’t have the experience to navigate it wisely. I wished for a world where she wouldn’t touch alcohol until she was fully prepared, but I knew that wasn’t the reality. I had my own brushes with drinking at her age.
As her parent, it was my duty to educate her about alcohol’s effects and share my stance. While lecturing wouldn’t prevent her from drinking, I wanted her equipped to make informed, safe choices. Ultimately, the decision would be hers.
Starting the Conversation
I started with the basics: Underage drinking is illegal for good reasons. I made it clear that we wouldn’t be the parents buying alcohol for her or allowing her friends to drink under our roof. Cue the classic eye roll—I could see I was officially ‘uncool.’
Next, I laid out some hard truths. Excessive drinking kills brain cells, and it’s a bad idea to mess with your developing brain. Plus, drinking too much often leads to barfing and horrendous hangovers. And let’s not forget that when you’re drunk, making good choices turns into a Herculean task. Getting into a car with a drunk driver or leaving a friend behind can lead to dire consequences.
One of the scariest points I made was about the connection between alcohol and assault. Being drunk doesn’t give anyone the right to harm you, but it can make you more vulnerable. If things escalate without your consent, being intoxicated can hinder your ability to fight back or seek help.
Reassuring Mia
When I finished my little speech, the silence hung heavy in the air. I could see concern on Mia’s face, despite her best attempt to appear casual. “What if I do drink, Mom? What if I get into trouble?”
My heart melted. Growing up is challenging, and trusting yourself is a journey filled with ups and downs. Even as an adult, I’m still learning. What matters is knowing there’s someone in your corner, ready to support you—even if it means being grounded for a month.
“If you ever get in trouble, just call me. No questions asked,” I reassured her, taking her hand. “And if you need to throw me under the bus, just say your crazy mom is texting you, and you need to leave. I’ve got your back.”
This was the crux of our conversation. I want Mia to trust me while she learns to trust herself. Keeping those lines of communication open is key.
“Thanks, Mom,” she said with a smile. “I guess I need to decide if I even want to go to this party.”
“Yep,” I replied, relieved she was thinking it through. “Let’s figure it out together over Frappuccinos.”
Additional Resources
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Conclusion
In summary, discussing the realities of teen drinking with your child is crucial. It’s about providing them with knowledge and support while keeping communication open. The ultimate goal is to empower them to make safe choices.