Ask anyone who has experienced the loss of a loved one, and they’ll likely tell you that grief has a knack for sneaking up at the most unexpected moments. It doesn’t matter if it’s been weeks, months, or years; a single moment can unleash a flood of memories and emotions. For me, it happened during a routine check-up, and it was a stark reminder that the sorrow of losing a child lingers on.
I was sitting in the doctor’s office when the nurse walked in with a warm smile and asked, “How are the kids?” I was taken aback, my mind racing as I processed her question. As a mom to one surviving triplet, I seldom hear the plural “kids.” When she repeated her question, it hit me — she had no idea that two of my little ones were no longer with us.
My heart raced, and I struggled to catch my breath as I explained that my daughter, Mia, and my son, Leo, had both passed shortly after birth. Tears came rushing out, and I was transported back to that painful farewell three years ago. The nurse immediately felt awful and rushed over to give me a hug. Though I felt a bit awkward, I understood her embarrassment; it was an honest mistake, and here I was, a grieving mom reduced to tears once again.
Leaving the office felt surreal, my thoughts consumed by our awkward exchange. In the early days after my triplets were born, questions like hers were common. Many people didn’t know about my loss, and I often found myself explaining how my “triplets” were doing. But three years into this journey, I naively assumed most people were aware of my story, or at least thought that Mia was an only child.
While I was surprised by her inquiry, I didn’t feel anger or frustration. Just a mention of my children can bring me to tears; it’s part of navigating life after a loss. Although we carry on, the grief never truly fades. I wear my tears as a badge of honor, a testament to the fact that a piece of my heart will always belong to Mia and Leo.
There’s no manual for grieving the loss of a child, just as there’s no perfect way to comfort a grieving parent. While a simple hug can provide solace, what comforted me that day was how our conversation unfolded. After I mentioned that I had one living child, the nurse took a genuine interest in Mia and Leo. She listened intently as I shared stories about my little angels, her repeated mention of their names warming my heart. It felt good to talk about them, and I happily recounted tales of their time in the NICU and how thriving Mia is today, a far cry from her early days.
Though I shed tears during my appointment, I left feeling uplifted. For parents who have lost children, one of the most meaningful things anyone can do is to acknowledge their child’s name. Hearing the nurse say “Mia” and “Leo” was a beautiful affirmation of their existence, allowing me to share my memories and celebrate their lives.
When I tell people that my daughter is part of a set of triplets, I often see their expressions shift from joy to shock, followed by a wave of sympathy. It’s a look I’ve come to recognize. Society doesn’t expect parents to outlive their children, and when people realize I’m also the mom of two angels, it often leads to uncomfortable moments.
Discussing grief, especially child loss, is a challenging topic. The awkward situation I faced is something many parents endure, and I know it will continue throughout my life. While it may stir up emotions and memories long buried, there’s a silver lining. I like to think that every time someone asks about my children, it’s a gentle nudge from Mia and Leo saying, “Hi Mom,” from above. Even if the other person feels uneasy, they are offering me the greatest gift of all: the chance to remember and cherish my children who are no longer here.
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In summary, grief can resurface at unexpected times, reminding us of our losses. Yet, these moments also provide opportunities to honor and remember our loved ones, transforming what could be painful encounters into beautiful tributes to their lives.