Since the age of 7, I’ve been grappling with treatment-resistant depression. This condition has cast a long shadow over my existence. As a child, I found myself secluded in my room, sobbing and praying for companionship. I faced relentless bullying—there’s something oddly satisfying about picking on the kid who’s always crying. I’ve fought with self-harm, leaving scars on my arms and wrists, and it’s a battle I face whenever the darkness creeps in. I’ve struggled with eating disorders, lashed out at my husband, and even attempted suicide (which, ironically, just resulted in a lot of sleep). I’m on seven different psychiatric medications, and last year, I spent two weeks in an outpatient mental health facility.
Then there’s my friend, Sarah, who insists I should quit my meds and discover my “true self.” This is utterly absurd because my “true self” is often on the brink of self-harm. It’s the medications that allow me to be a present parent, to love my family, and to enjoy life. You wouldn’t tell a diabetic to ditch their insulin for the sake of self-discovery, right? Yet, because my meds influence serotonin rather than pancreatic function, it’s perfectly acceptable to suggest they alter who I am. Insulin, too, changes you—it keeps you alive. My medications do something similar.
I’ve also heard that yoga can help me maintain my sanity. If that were true, the Beatles would have never made it past their early albums, so let’s just say that argument doesn’t hold water. Sure, some yoga poses might be beneficial, but they won’t prevent me from spiraling into darkness if I stop taking my meds. The last time I cut back on just one medication, I was napping like it was my job, yelling at my kids, and constipated. I doubt yoga can remedy that.
Others suggest light therapy. But guess what? Light therapy is primarily for those whose depression is linked to seasonal changes—known as Seasonal Affective Disorder. While I might feel a bit down during winter, I entered outpatient treatment in June, so let’s not kid ourselves. Sunlight won’t fix my brain, and neither will some fancy light box.
Then there’s the Electronic Freedom Technique, which my midwife swears by. It involves tapping on yourself while pondering your issues—my main issue being a longstanding sense of worthlessness. They claim it’s acupressure, but I’m calling nonsense on that.
And please, let’s not even discuss essential oils. I’m aware of the two most common ones—lavender and patchouli—but as soon as someone mentions them, I zone out. They seem like a pyramid scheme for people looking to cure everything from broken bones to serious illnesses. What I need is targeted treatment. Do you understand what “serotonin reuptake inhibitor” means? If you don’t, then kindly take your essential oil starter kit elsewhere.
Speaking of serotonin, did you know it’s produced in the gut? I’m well aware! So no, a quirky diet isn’t going to magically fix me. Gluten makes me feel awful, but that’s due to non-celiac gluten sensitivity, not some psychological cure. I’ve tried diets ranging from Paleo to elimination diets, and guess what? I still had those dark thoughts while eating nothing but chicken and rice. So when you suggest dietary changes, forgive me if I tell you to zip it.
And before you suggest more exercise, let’s clarify: Yes, I could use more of it. But guess what? I recently hiked a mountain in North Carolina, so I can’t be in too bad shape. Exercise is great, but when I was running eight miles a day, I was still crying at night from loneliness and insecurity. Exercise alone won’t save me, and it’s downright offensive to imply that it would. I could run marathons, but without my meds, I’d still be on the floor contemplating harmful choices.
So, please, don’t tell me to ditch my medications or offer up some outlandish remedies you’ve picked up from a talk show or online. I have treatment-resistant depression, and I take medication for it. When I’m on my meds, I’m functioning. Without them, I’m not. So yes, I’ll keep taking my prescribed medications, thank you very much.
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In summary, while well-intentioned friends may suggest alternative solutions for depression, it’s essential to recognize the realities of treatment-resistant conditions and the importance of sticking with prescribed medications for optimal mental health.