I have a plethora of names—first name, middle name, last name, and a few nicknames thrown in for good measure. I’ll respond to just about any of them, including “Ma’am,” “Miss,” or even “Hey You.” But if you’re not my child, please refrain from calling me “Mom.”
Long before I became a parent, I was adamant that I didn’t want my partner to refer to me as “Mom.” In fact, I preferred that no one call me “Mom” unless they were my offspring. I winced when hospital staff addressed me generically as “Mom” instead of taking a moment to check my chart for my actual name.
It also grinds my gears when strangers ask, “Is Mommy having a party tonight?” as they eye the case of wine in my cart. I prefer my husband not to call me “Mom” when the kids are around. And while I’ve become accustomed to being called “Mom” by everyone from my children’s doctors to the grocery store clerk, it doesn’t mean I enjoy it.
Motherhood is a profound and sacred role—there’s no doubt about that. Some might argue that this significance warrants constant reminders of the title. However, I believe that because being a mom is so special, only my children should have the privilege of calling me “Mom.” It’s like a cherished nickname reserved solely for them. I’ve loved the transition from “Mama” to “Mommy” to “Mom.”
Yet, there’s an odd obsession in our culture with both glorifying and trivializing motherhood. We hold mothers in high regard while simultaneously tagging them with titles like “mommy bloggers” or referring to social outings as “moms’ night out.” Why do we do this? What is it about slapping the word “mom” in front of everything related to motherhood? Does it really make a difference?
For some, the title “Mom” is a comforting reminder of their role. But for me, the essence of motherhood is so ingrained that I cherish moments where I can simply be me, separate from the “mom” identity. The woman I was—and still am—thrives beneath this cozy layer of motherhood.
Moms embody many roles: caretaker, nurturer, healer, and leader. These characteristics exist independently of the “Mom” label, just as my affinity for college football, my knack for swearing, and my taste for dark red cabernets are integral to who I am. The maternal aspects of our lives coexist with our other identities rather than overshadowing them.
Yes, we are “Mom” to our little ones. For many of us, this role is one of the most beautiful gifts life has to offer. Being a mom shapes us, empowers us, and is a significant part of our identity. But we are also friends, partners, daughters, and women—identities we held long before becoming moms, and that are equally important. Let’s not lose sight of those.
So, unless you’re my child, please don’t refer to me as “Mom.”
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In summary, while motherhood is a cherished role, it’s important to remember that we are multifaceted individuals with identities beyond being a mom. So, let’s celebrate all the aspects of who we are.