When my partner, Jake, and I first started dating, we were pure couple goals. We couldn’t stand to be apart, finding joy in the simplest activities. Grocery shopping? A delightful outing. Paying bills? A cozy bonding experience. We exercised together, binge-watched the same shows, and explored our new city post-college. Our friends must have been rolling their eyes at our sugary sweetness—seriously, we were over the top.
The honeymoon phase continued beautifully after we tied the knot. We whipped up fancy dinners together and lounged on our porch dreaming of the chaotic joy of a family. Life was grand, and we were undeniably adorable.
Then came our first child, and we tried our hardest to keep the spark alive. But honestly, there’s nothing particularly romantic about pumping breast milk at the kitchen table while your spouse munches on cereal. After a few years, it became clear that if we were going to thrive in this marriage, I’d have to accept that Jake’s bathroom habits rivaled a zoo exhibit, and he would have to come to terms with the fact that watching me put on a sports bra isn’t exactly a turn-on.
Romance has morphed into something entirely different over our 17 years together. While we might not have candlelit dinners regularly, we share a deep connection, which includes me binge-watching Netflix while he snores beside me like a jet engine.
If you’re wondering whether your honeymoon phase has also come to an end, check out these signs:
- The last time you celebrated New Year’s Eve, the world was worried about Y2K.
- You’ve written off trying to impress his parents.
- Your Christmas tree showcases gifts you bought for yourself, and you’re genuinely thrilled about those cozy leggings.
- Romance is now defined as buying a new water heater just before Valentine’s Day.
- Let’s talk about courtesy flushes.
- You’ve gone to bed angry more times than you can count—okay, maybe 562 times.
- You no longer giggle when someone addresses you as “Mrs.”
- You’ve contemplated hosting a “Replace the Broken Wedding Appliances” party for your 10th anniversary.
- Forget flowers; the way to your heart is your husband unloading the dishwasher without prompting.
- “I’ll handle bedtime” feels like foreplay these days.
- You both roll your eyes at young couples kissing in public.
- You haven’t attended a wedding in 15 years.
- “Dinner and a movie” has transformed into Netflix and takeout.
- You purchase underwear in bulk from Costco and couldn’t care less.
- Sweet notes on the bathroom mirror have been swapped for texts like, “Bring home milk or don’t bother coming back.”
- When you call someone “Pooh Bear,” it’s not a term of endearment but refers to an actual stuffed animal.
- He no longer jokes about inviting extra guests to bed.
- “Clothing optional days” now only apply to your toddler.
- You come back from your run with just one coffee from Starbucks.
- He’s stopped noticing when you change your hair or buy a new dress.
- He trims nose hairs while you clip toenails, and neither of you bats an eye.
- You give him the stink eye when he tries to join you in the shower—hey, it’s the only place you can escape the kids!
- You only light candles when the power goes out or when he’s wreaked havoc in the bathroom.
I don’t need grand romantic gestures like I did in my twenties anymore. These days, I find joy in laundry making it to the basket and dishes being put in the dishwasher. While I do miss the occasional surprise flowers, I don’t miss pretending to be someone I’m not. Jake has seen me at my worst, and he still gives me those bedroom eyes—especially when I’m sporting those comfy leggings he gifted me for Christmas.
For more insights on this topic, check out this blog post on home insemination kits, as well as the excellent resource on IUI success from WebMD and the authoritative information from Make A Mom.
In summary, the honeymoon may be over, but a solid and genuine connection remains, built on reality rather than fantasy.