Back-to-school shopping has always been a blast for me and my daughter, Emma. Just like me, she has a keen eye for fashion, and our shopping sprees often turn into a friendly competition for the best finds. We typically kick off our shopping adventure with a delicious dinner with my sister and her daughter, followed by a retail rampage through every store within a 20-mile radius. We plan this extravaganza in June, and it’s one of the highlights of our summer—one tradition I hope continues long after they’ve tossed their graduation caps in the air.
As Emma has transitioned into her tween years, I’ve noticed her style diverging from my preferences. When I suggest outfits I think she might like, I often hear comments like, “That looks like something from a private school uniform, Mom! I attend public school, remember?” or “Meh, that was cool when I was four!”
Her tastes lean towards vibrant colors and bold patterns, while I tend to favor more subdued styles. She loves skintight jeans and shorts over leggings paired with graphic tees—nothing oversized, ever. I’m careful to ensure her choices aren’t too constricting because comfort is key. But when I see her expression in the mirror, it’s clear that if she doesn’t feel good in what she’s wearing, then it’s not going to work. She wants to express herself, and I totally get that.
Reflecting on my own teenage years, I remember a moment when I was 16, working as a grocery bagger. I was outside on break in a pair of cutoff jean shorts when an unamused woman walked by and shot me a disapproving look. She even called to complain that my shorts were “too short.” My boss reassured me that they were fine, but I couldn’t help but feel frustrated. Why did my outfit bother her so much?
I wore those shorts because I liked them. At 16, self-love was a challenge, but I appreciated my legs and wanted to show them off, even if it meant concealing other parts of myself in oversized shirts. I dressed for me, not for anyone else, and definitely not to invite judgment.
I want Emma to have the confidence to make her own fashion choices, even when faced with disapproval. I’ll never tell her she’s sending the wrong message or that she should cover up to avoid unwanted attention. It’s not her responsibility to manage how others react to her clothing. I want her to embrace her body and understand it belongs to her alone.
I will, however, encourage her to be aware that judgment may come her way based on her wardrobe choices. Unfortunately, people can be ignorant, and while she may be criticized, she should know she’s not responsible for their actions.
It’s her job to wear what she loves, to cultivate self-love, and to assert herself if someone oversteps boundaries—regardless of her outfit. Emma should feel free to express herself, however that manifests, without apology. Understanding her autonomy is crucial for her self-esteem. Her fashion choices don’t relinquish her control. They are never an invitation for unwanted attention. It’s my role to support her choices, even if they differ from what I’d pick.
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In summary, allowing Emma to choose her own clothing is not just about fashion; it’s a vital lesson in bodily autonomy. It empowers her to express herself authentically while fostering a sense of confidence and self-love that will carry her forward in life.