As a Mom of Little Ones, I Graciously Decline Your Offer

We need volunteers for this committee! Could you be the class parent? How about a board position? Would you like to lead a group?

Absolutely! A thousand times yes! I’m eager to lend a hand, get involved, and be useful. (Being the eldest sibling, I’m practically a natural leader, right?)

Oh, wait, hold on. I’m really sorry, but no, I can’t help out. I wish I could, but alas.

Why?

Well, as a mom of little ones, there are days when I barely have time to shower. Even if I jot it down on my calendar, I’ll likely forget. I often misplace important items like my patience or my wallet.

I know plenty of parents—both stay-at-home and working—who manage to juggle everything. They have titles, attend meetings, and hold real responsibilities. People depend on them, be it their children or colleagues. This high-functioning crew can follow through day in and day out.

They don’t forget a dentist appointment scheduled for 10 a.m. that they saw on the calendar at 7 a.m. Those folks can put together outfits that aren’t just comfy pajamas, and they actually remember birthdays and send gifts on time!

I, however, am not one of those people.

Realizing My Limits

Realizing my limits was a tough lesson. I dropped too many balls, disappointed too many kids (mostly my own), and felt the sting of embarrassment too many times as I scrambled to fulfill last-minute commitments—or failed to do so entirely.

All of this could have been avoided with one simple word: No.

No, I can’t.
No, I’m afraid not.
No, not now.

I’d love to help with that, but until my little ones can manage getting dressed, pouring their own cereal, and wiping their own behinds without needing my help, I simply can’t commit.

A Summer Memory

During our first summer in our new neighborhood, right before my oldest started kindergarten, I wore the baby in a carrier while trying to corral my other two, who were still quite little. With the baby bumping up front, a massive swim bag swaying at my side, and my energetic four-year-old darting away, I was a sweaty mess trudging into the parking lot.

I passed by one of the super-involved swim moms, whose youngest was 9 at the time, and I confessed, “I wish I could help, but I just can’t.”

Her response? “Oh, we totally understand, and you will! Just not yet. We’ve all been in your shoes not too long ago. Don’t worry about it.”

Without even realizing it, she changed my perspective. I felt no judgment; I wasn’t letting anyone down. I felt relief and gratitude. She gave me the permission I didn’t even know I needed to take my time and join in when I can—just not right now.

Looking Ahead

I look forward to volunteering more, but until “helping mommy” means “doing it independently” instead of a chaotic exercise in patience (like re-washing all the clean, licked utensils from the dishwasher), I cannot lend a hand.

Until “clean your room” translates to actual cleaning and not just little hands shoving clothes into a corner, and until “I’m hungry” is not cried every 90 minutes, I’ll be stepping back.

So, thank you to the moms of older kids who understand that some of us are just trying to get by with the bare minimum. Thank you for taking care of what needs to be done right now. We look forward to helping and learning from you, and when our littles are a bit older, we’ll be ready to take charge.

And to you, fellow moms of young children, don’t feel guilty about saying “no,” or even about dropping a few balls when you attempt a “yes.” We’ve all been there. Be gentle with yourself; finding a balance between your kids and your capabilities takes time. Your day to say “yes” will come—maybe it’ll be in about four years.

Summary

Navigating motherhood with little ones can be overwhelming, and it’s okay to decline requests for extra commitments. Recognizing one’s limits and embracing the chaos of parenting is essential. Other moms have been there, and there’s no need to feel guilty about prioritizing your family’s needs first.