We found ourselves in a busy doctor’s office, waiting in a cramped room, when a girl slightly older than my daughter—about six—approached, trailed by her mom. Within moments, the girl leaned in close, trying to wrap her arms around my toddler for a hug, as kids often do.
As always, I stepped in, gently guiding the girl away and creating some space for my little one. “Let’s give her a bit of room,” I said with a friendly smile. The other girl seemed unfazed, and thankfully, her mom didn’t seem too concerned either. After a brief pause, she remarked, “She just likes to show affection, you know?”
I get it; kids are inherently loving and often disregard social boundaries. In principle, it’s a heartwarming trait. However, in practice, it’s not so straightforward.
For starters, there are the obvious concerns about germs and illnesses. Seriously—who wants to spread germs, especially in a doctor’s waiting room, the epitome of germ central? I don’t even like my kids touching the seats, let alone getting cozy with other kids.
But the matter goes beyond that. It’s disheartening that we must begin teaching our children about consent before they can even fully articulate a sentence. Yet, here we are. As a mother of three girls, this lesson is crucial.
Even if my toddler can’t voice her feelings, she still has the right to her personal space. She is under no obligation to accept hugs or cuddles—especially from strangers—simply because she’s adorable.
This lesson extends beyond just her. Her older sister loves to cuddle and play, but I step in every time. Just because they are siblings doesn’t grant them permission to invade each other’s space without consent. That’s a hard line to draw.
Let me clarify: we are a family that thrives on affection. We share plenty of hugs and kisses. The goal isn’t to discourage displays of love but to foster an understanding of appropriate boundaries. If my toddler is busy playing and someone gets too close for comfort, that’s different from asking for a hug and receiving one in return.
We teach that hugs aren’t something to take without permission. We learn that it’s perfectly okay to maintain our boundaries, even if someone claims to be “showing love.” True love is about respect, and it’s our responsibility to instill that in our children.
So, don’t be surprised if I intervene when your child tries to hug my toddler or when I gently remove their hands from my baby. If my six-year-old agrees to hug your child goodbye and it turns into an overly tight squeeze (because kids will be kids), I’ll step in to remind them that affection must be respectful.
I never want my daughters to feel pressured into uncomfortable situations just to be polite, nor do I want them to inadvertently put others in those positions. If my girls—and all children—grow up embracing the concept of honoring their feelings and bodies while demanding the respect they deserve, we’ll have done our job right.
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