I often find myself overwhelmed by the notion that women in their 40s just don’t give a hoot. Don’t get me wrong—I take pride in being one of those women who have tossed aside the insecurities that plagued my 20s and 30s. We 40-somethings have a solid grasp of who we are, what drives us, and what truly irritates us. We feel assured in our parenting decisions and are prepared to tackle whatever life throws our way.
We couldn’t care less about what others think of our well-loved yoga pants or those skinny jeans that hug a little too tight, our sporadic appearances at school events, or whether we decide to wear makeup. We’ve learned to say goodbye to toxic relationships and embrace our post-baby bodies—whether that means embracing sagging bellies or toned abs, smile lines or a smooth forehead from Botox.
Fantastic! So what’s next?
Letting go of the unnecessary baggage is such a relief. It has opened up precious time and mental space for me to focus on what truly matters. In that spirit, here’s where I’m dedicating my remaining cares.
Making a Difference in the World
Okay, I know it sounds cliché, but it’s genuinely true. In my younger years, I had grand aspirations for creating a better world. I volunteered with the less fortunate and raised funds for cancer research, trusting that those in power would tackle the world’s issues effectively. But then I had kids—three daughters, to be exact. Issues like education, healthcare, women’s rights, and gender equality became more personal. Now that my girls are growing up and preparing to forge their own paths, I’m more concerned than ever about the world they’ll enter. I feel compelled to fight against gun violence, sexual assault, and racism. And since I really don’t care about the hateful opinions of those who disagree with me, I plan to speak out loud and proud.
My Body
For years, I’ve obsessively cataloged, worried over, and lamented the shape and limits of my body. Many of us do this in our younger years. But in my 40s, I’ve finally shifted my focus from how my body looks to how it functions. Healthy is the new skinny, and strength beats a size two any day. Taking care of my body is what will carry me through the next phase of life with good health. Prioritizing sleep, exercise, and nutritious eating is key, though I’m not extreme about it. Cocktails and chocolate are still my buddies because, at this stage, I know how to strike a balance. And if I gain a pound or two? I truly don’t care.
My Relationships
I’m still learning to let go of relationships that don’t serve me, and if that means having a few close friends instead of a large circle, so be it. I’m now more passionate than ever about nurturing relationships that matter. This is especially vital as my oldest daughter enters high school; I want to foster our connection as she grows. Soon, my other daughters will also be off to high school, and my husband and I will be left with just each other. Speaking of which, marriage is a continuous work in progress for me. I’m focused on preparing it for the next chapter, just as I am with my parents, sister, and a select few close friends.
Getting My Life in Order
As my kids take on more responsibilities, I find it’s time for me to focus on my own needs and desires. I’m weeding out obligations that no longer bring joy and spending time on what I find fulfilling. Making choices for myself is essential now. Whether it’s returning to full-time work or diving deeper into my love for surfing, I’m reevaluating my life and prioritizing what I want.
Embracing Who I Am
For years, I denied certain aspects of myself, feeling they were unacceptable or shameful. What a waste! We’re all imperfect. We make mistakes and often overlook our strengths. I’m anxious, fiercely passionate about specific issues, and thrive on alone time. In my 40s, I’m embracing these quirks and letting those who care about me know about them. Surprisingly, they accept me as I am. Clearly, I’m doing well in the relationship department (see above).
Realizing that I no longer care about certain people and situations has been one of the most liberating experiences of my 40s. Identifying what truly matters and how to make it happen is undeniably exciting.
What will you do with your remaining cares?
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Summary
In your 40s, it’s common to shed superficial worries and focus on what truly matters—like relationships, health, and making a difference in the world. This decade brings clarity about personal priorities and the courage to embrace who you are, while also encouraging others to do the same.