Every now and then, those nagging doubts creep in. Am I doing this right? Am I failing her? Will I somehow mess her up for life?
We have a daughter who often struggles with her temper. There was a time when it felt like I was tiptoeing around a minefield, trying to avoid anything that might trigger her next outburst, while still holding firm to our family rules. Thankfully, those moments have become less frequent.
When she gets upset, her emotions can spiral quickly—tears, clenched fists, and the occasional swing (though thankfully, she usually misses). You might not guess it if you met her; she’s kind, polite, and always eager to help. I like to think she embodies the best of me, but I know she’s also picked up some of my not-so-great traits.
Somehow, I’ve become her go-to for managing these emotional storms. Perhaps it’s my guilt about her behavior that makes me feel this way, even though I logically understand it’s not my fault. Did she inherit this anger from me? Does she recall when I was prone to yelling? Did I inadvertently teach her that this is an acceptable way to cope? Because it absolutely is not.
Most of these episodes happen before bedtime, which I suspect is largely due to her fatigue. I often find myself guiding her to her room, sometimes against her will, to shield her siblings from witnessing her breakdown. I sit in front of her door to keep her from escaping. Occasionally, she lets me hold her while she releases her frustration. Other times, I find myself glancing at my phone or surveying the room I designed just for her.
I take a step back. I remain patient and speak softly.
Over the last six months, we’ve worked hard to teach her how to calm herself. Our conversations have evolved from “Let’s practice some ways we can calm down. One effective method is to take deep breaths” to her initiating the techniques herself. I model deep breathing, and she follows along. I introduce counting to ten—sometimes forwards, sometimes backwards—and she joins in. We even explore stretching and yoga, which helps her body focus so her mind can catch up. I sit cross-legged, demonstrating stretches in front of her, and while her initial participation was often reluctant, she’s now a willing participant.
The best part? She’s starting to apply these calming techniques independently, even in different situations. I can now ask her, “How can you calm yourself down?” or “Which method do you want to use to find your calm?” and she chooses on her own.
I’m proud to have taught her these skills, hoping she carries them throughout her life—not the anger, but the tools for managing it. And her little sisters are taking note; just the other day, my three-year-old announced she needed to calm down and started taking deep breaths.
While I may always have moments of uncertainty about my parenting choices, I find solace in knowing that my deep breaths are fostering a healthier emotional landscape for all of us. For more insights on parenting and emotional wellness, consider checking out this blog post. If you’re looking for reliable resources on at-home insemination kits, Make a Mom offers great options. Additionally, Cleveland Clinic provides excellent information on fertility and pregnancy resources.
In summary, parenting can be a rollercoaster of emotions, but equipping our children with the right tools to manage their feelings is a step in the right direction.
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