When I was a kid, playdates were a breeze—if you could even call them that. They usually involved heading over to a friend’s house and casually asking, “Wanna play?” with a quick “Sure!” as the response. Then we’d dash outside, construct a fort, or battle it out on Nintendo until dinner time. The only time you saw the parents was when a mom popped in to declare, “No more popsicles!” or “Did you raid the Twinkie stash?”
Fast forward to today, and playdates have transformed into meticulously planned events, complete with schedules, snack lists, and craft projects. They feel less like spontaneous fun and more like a corporate affair—think mini cocktail parties but with organic juice boxes and whole wheat snacks instead of cocktails.
As for me, I’m all about the old-school vibe (shakes fist, “Get off my lawn!”). I prefer laid-back, unstructured playtime, and I’m betting my kids do too. Unless a situation involves actual danger—like a knife fight or an attempt to start a fire—I’m not stepping in. I believe kids learn some of their most important social skills when left to navigate their own interactions, so let’s let them do just that.
Remember how you played with friends growing up? Mostly fun, with the occasional squabble over who got to use the best toy. But when disagreements arose, you figured it out among yourselves. You knew that if you went running to your mom, she wouldn’t mediate; she’d likely just send your friend home. Regardless of the differences, no one wanted to stop the fun, so you worked it out—even if it meant threatening, “I won’t be your friend anymore if I don’t get the cool sword.” In reality, how many friendships were truly destroyed over playdate disputes? Not many! We learned to solve our own problems, developing vital skills that many of us carry into adulthood.
As parents, it’s our responsibility to lay down the ground rules—sharing, taking turns, and including everyone. But once the kids know the basics, it’s their job to figure out how to apply them. Through trial and error (and yes, sometimes failure), they pick up how to negotiate, share, listen, and compromise. Kids are more capable of handling these situations than we often realize, and by stepping in too much, we rob them of valuable life lessons that will help them navigate the world as they grow.
Of course, there are times when intervention is necessary, especially if someone is genuinely hurt or upset. But for the most part, stepping back is the way to go. Let’s give our kids the space to shape their own playtime, address their own conflicts, and learn from their experiences. We have enough on our plates without adding “child conflict manager” to the list.
So while the kiddos are busy with their imaginative adventures, let’s grab some chocolate and chat on the couch. I’ll even show you where I stash the good stuff!
This article was originally published on Aug. 12, 2016.
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Summary:
In today’s world, playdates have become overly structured events, but embracing a more relaxed, old-school approach can benefit our children significantly. By allowing kids to navigate their own social interactions, we give them the chance to learn valuable life skills such as negotiation and compromise. Stepping back lets them experience the joys and challenges of play, ultimately preparing them for adulthood.