My son, Alex, was just 13 when he came out to our family, and honestly, it wasn’t a huge shock for me. I had a hunch for quite a while. We’ve had some great conversations about the challenges that LGBTQ+ individuals face in today’s world. We’ve even attended pride events together, and it was heartwarming to see the joy on Alex’s face when marriage equality became a reality.
Once Alex was proudly out as a gay teen, I knew that people would inevitably say some pretty clueless things. Most of these comments come from a good place, but they often reflect a lack of understanding. So, whether you’re a parent of a gay teen, suspect you might be, or are just a friend or family member trying to be supportive, let’s navigate some of the common, yet misguided, questions.
“How can they possibly know they’re gay already?”
This is the question I get most often—and it drives me up the wall. Think back to your first crush; I’m betting it happened before you hit double digits. Did anyone ever question you about liking the opposite sex? Of course not, because it’s “normal.” So, let’s put this in perspective: just like you knew who you were drawn to back then, so does your child. Instead of asking, “Do you have a girlfriend?” try something like “Do you have a crush?” That’s way more inclusive and a lot less pressure.
“Are you sure it’s just a phase?”
Why does it even matter? Whether your child is into the same gender, both, or is still figuring things out, what’s important is that they’re experiencing love and happiness. Let’s celebrate that instead of worrying about labels. Our hope for the future should be that the next generation loves freely, unburdened by outdated ideas.
“Aren’t you worried they might get AIDS?”
Shouldn’t we be concerned about all of our kids potentially contracting STDs? AIDS affects people of all orientations and genders. Instead of focusing on fear, let’s educate our children about safe sex and healthy relationships. Want to go the extra mile? Keep a stash of condoms at home so they can always stay protected.
“At least you won’t have to worry about unexpected grandbabies.”
Sure, that’s a silver lining, but it pales in comparison to the real dangers LGBTQ+ teens face. Even though society is evolving, knowing your child may be bullied or discriminated against simply for who they love is a far more significant concern than the slim chance of an unexpected pregnancy. Alex, with his short hair and boyish style, often gets mistaken for a boy. Instead of taking offense, we turn it into a game to see which server guesses correctly. While I don’t have to worry about birth control, I do worry about how people react to him stepping outside of conventional gender norms.
“Do you think they’ll get married and have a ‘normal’ life someday?”
Let’s be real—what does “normal” even mean anymore? As someone in my 40s, I can tell you that today’s definition of a fulfilling life is much broader than what we grew up with. The traditional path isn’t the only option anymore, and that’s a good thing! My wish for Alex and his siblings is simple: I hope they find careers that ignite their passions, love deeply, and experience the world with open hearts and minds. That’s really what every parent wants, isn’t it?
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Summary:
Navigating conversations about LGBTQ+ teens can be tricky, particularly when it comes to understanding their identities and experiences. Parents should encourage love and acceptance while avoiding the pitfalls of common stereotypes and misconceptions. The focus should be on supporting their child’s journey rather than conforming to outdated social norms.