My kids never miss an opportunity to pester me about adding another little one to our family. Trust me, it’s not happening, but that doesn’t stop their persistent questions and unsolicited opinions from driving me up the wall. As much as their inquiries about expanding our family can be irritating, they pale in comparison to the comments I receive from others.
What is it about parenting that seems to grant people the right to pry into matters that have nothing to do with them? Why do decisions around having children spark such intense opinions from outsiders? And how can we make these relentless inquiries about family size stop?
While questions like “Is that your only child?” or “Are these all your kids?” might seem innocent, follow-up questions like “Have you considered adoption?” or “Do you not believe in birth control?” cross the line into invasive and insensitive territory.
Whether a family is large or small, it should be none of our business. There are often complex emotions and experiences underlying someone’s choice of family size. For example, when I was struggling to conceive my second child, every time someone asked if we were planning to have more kids, my heart would sink. I wanted to scream, “You have no clue how desperately I want another baby! I’m scared I can’t have more, and I’m just tired of the questions!” Instead, I managed to muster a simple, “Yes, I hope so.”
A close friend of mine, Sarah, has one child. When she and her husband were weighing the decision to have another, she faced a cancer diagnosis. After rounds of chemotherapy and a long-term prescription that left her unable to conceive again, the questions she received about expanding their family felt like salt on a fresh wound.
Unfortunately, these stories are not isolated. Comments and advice about how many kids one should have come from all directions. Strangers feel entitled to share personal opinions on the street, and online critics bombard parents about their choices. Discussions about the “ideal” family size are prevalent, even though each family’s situation is unique. While sharing thoughts among friends can be constructive, we often blur the lines between helpful advice and harsh judgment.
So here’s a thought: Why don’t we all just stop commenting on family sizes altogether?
Why not stop trying to persuade couples without children that they should start a family? Why not refrain from telling parents of only children that they’re denying their kids something vital? Let’s also avoid suggesting they “just adopt” or try trendy fertility remedies. And maybe we should quit assuming that larger families are clueless about contraception. Instead of imposing our opinions, let’s respect the personal nature of these decisions.
Families come in all shapes and sizes for countless reasons. We can’t fathom the complexities that inform a family’s choice, whether it consists of two, three, or ten members. Who are we to pass judgment on such deeply personal decisions? Perhaps our urge to comment comes from our own curiosity, a tendency to stick our noses where they don’t belong, or our need for validation through others’ choices.
If we could stop questioning others’ decisions, maybe we could focus on being comfortable with our own.
For those navigating the journey of family planning, you can find valuable insights about pregnancy and home insemination at CDC’s pregnancy resource. If you’re interested in exploring your options, check out this article for more information, and visit Make a Mom for expert advice on your fertility journey.
In summary, let’s strive for a world where we respect each family’s choices about their size and focus on our own paths instead.