Whenever couples with and without children gather, the conversation inevitably shifts toward the question, “So, when are you two planning to start a family?” I often find myself asking this—not out of pressure or nosiness, but from genuine curiosity about their lives and aspirations. However, their answers often stir a twinge of envy within me.
“We’re waiting until we can… travel more, buy a home, advance our careers, pay off debts, feel ready…” These responses are completely valid and demonstrate thoughtful planning. The issue, however, lies with my own journey into parenthood.
My partner and I never intended to have children. Before we tied the knot, we made a pact to enjoy life together without kids—just the two of us. Yet, life has its own sense of humor, and here I am, a proud parent to two amazing kids. I wouldn’t trade them or my current life for anything. Still, there are moments when I can’t help but mourn the life we never had.
Many of my friends have concrete plans for family life—they’re waiting for the right moment. They have objectives to fulfill and dreams to chase before taking that leap into parenthood. For my partner and me, there was no time to strategize. Our life took an unexpected turn shortly after we got married when my birth control failed, and I discovered I was pregnant during a family vacation.
In that whirlwind time, we were both too stunned by this major shift to think about what we were leaving behind. It wasn’t until I had conversations with friends who are postponing parenthood that I began to realize the adventures and memories we missed out on. While we were busy researching baby gear and crafting birth plans, our friends were out exploring the world, unburdened by the responsibilities of a newborn.
I don’t regret my life with kids; it’s fulfilling and stable. My children bring joy to my days. Yet, there are evenings when exhaustion washes over me, and I find my mind wandering to the “what-ifs.” I reflect on the freedom we lost, the plans that never materialized, and the leisurely weekends spent just enjoying each other’s company. I wish we could have cherished that time a bit longer, but fate had other ideas.
I harbor no resentment toward those who are waiting to have children to pursue their dreams—traveling the globe, advancing their careers without the worry of family obligations. I admire their foresight and maturity in making such choices. I just can’t shake the feeling of longing for the life I could have experienced too.
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In summary, while I embrace my life as a parent, I can’t help but reflect on the adventures and quiet moments my partner and I missed out on before kids came into the picture.