This past weekend, while I was at a soccer game, I glanced around during half-time and saw a sea of spectators glued to their phones (I was definitely one of them). I imagined they were texting their partners about stopping at the store on the way home or updating a fellow parent about the thrilling match. Maybe they were scrolling through social media, who knows?
As I was busy pinning ideas on Pinterest for a new hairstyle, I spotted a little girl in a pink swing coat and a blue knit beanie sitting on the ground, staring wide-eyed at everyone around her. She seemed to be the only one at the game without a gadget in her hands, and I could tell she was envious of those devices. It got me thinking: if toddlers had the ability to text, what kind of hilarious exchanges might they have? My bet is that it would be a riot filled with messages about potty training, snack time, and their clever antics.
Imaginary Texts from Toddlers
“Dude, I had two blowouts today. Mom had to toss one of my outfits because that peas I had last night went everywhere. I was in my bouncy swing, and I just let it go. LMAO.”
“Mom dragged me through the store AGAIN. I screamed the entire time. She was so mad, but IDGAF. I’m over that annoying red cart. It’s been a rough day. Just need to chill with my Binky, ya feel me?”
“Mom’s sipping that pretty pink drink in a fancy glass again. Makes her all happy and relaxed. I keep trying to get some, but she just hands me my sippy cup. When do we get the fancy juice?!”
“She says on social media she makes all my food from scratch and it’s organic! NFW, that stuff’s from a jar with a kid on it that looks just like me. So cray, cray.”
“Hey, if you throw stuff from your highchair, someone will keep picking it up for you. It’s also a blast to do in the shopping cart! I could do this all day.”
“FYI, if you bite down while nursing, your mama will take away your milky-juice super fast. She makes this weird face and starts crying, which is kinda scary.”
“Guess what? I finally got the scissors and some alone time! You should see my bangs—they’re on fleek!”
“Just a heads up: if you flush your favorite lovey down the toilet, it doesn’t come back and you get soaked. Don’t do it, dude.”
“Today, I accidentally peed on my own face during a diaper change. It freaked me out and I cried, but what a riot! LOL.”
“Mom opened my diaper and got poop on her finger again! Why does she keep doing this?”
“I’m definitely not napping today. I have a new Paw Patrol book that’s just too good to put down!”
“Hey, today’s the playdate! Can’t wait to CU in a bit. Mom got those new squeeze yogurts. We can smear them everywhere!”
“Last night, I was so rowdy, and this morning, Mom is chugging that hot black stuff. I’ll try to calm down tonight, but honestly, nighttime is when I feel alive!”
“Man, you haven’t experienced pain until you start cutting a tooth. This is real. Being one year old is tough.”
“Tommy came over yesterday. I can’t stand him. He’s all potty trained and thinks he’s so cool. That’s all his mom talked about. She took our picture for social media, and guess who’s in a big diaper? Yeah, me. I need to step up my potty training game.”
“Currently in the car, can’t wait to get home and ditch these pants. What’s the deal? I just wanna be free, ya know?”
“Sometimes I like to kick back and watch Caillou, but Mom keeps changing the channel. What gives? I miss that guy—he gets me.”
“Guess what? I figured out how to buy video games on the iPad! I’m a genius. Next time we’re at the park, I’ll share all the deets.”
While it would be entertaining to see these tiny humans’ messages, I appreciate that they still have a couple of years before they become obsessed with screens. As I sat on the bleachers, the little girl caught my eye, and I realized I would much rather watch her than my phone. So, I stashed my device back in my bag and handed her a leaf I found nearby. Even though she tossed it aside and reached for my phone, the moment she paused to gaze at the fluttering leaf was truly magical.
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In summary, while the thought of toddlers texting each other is amusing, it’s a reminder of the importance of being present in the moment. Watching the world through their eyes can be incredibly rewarding.