Being the mom of a toddler who hasn’t started talking yet can feel isolating. You know the scene: you’re at the park, the library, or even a cafe, and you spot another child around the same age as your little one. You can’t help but observe, listening intently to their chatter, silently wondering if they are speaking yet. As you strike up a conversation with the other parent, you naturally steer it towards their child’s milestones, hoping that if their toddler is talking, they’re a bit older than yours—your child, who remains silent.
More often than not, toddlers at this stage are already saying a few words. And there you are, reminded once again that your child hasn’t found her voice yet.
Take my story for instance. I have a 23-month-old daughter named Lily, who is bursting with energy, curiosity, and affection. We live in a small town where most of our interactions with other kids come from the local church, the park, and the library. Recently, while visiting my sister, I found myself surrounded by toddlers everywhere I turned.
I paid close attention to the conversations around me. At the playground, toddlers were shouting, “Watch me! Slide! Swing!” During story time, they eagerly answered the librarian’s questions. On a nature walk, they pointed out, “Look, water!” At the kids’ museum, they claimed toys with a determined, “Mine!” With every word spoken, I felt the weight of my daughter’s silence.
From the start, my mother has reminded me that toddlers don’t follow parenting books. They develop at their own pace. For instance, Lily didn’t crawl until she was a year old, which felt like an eternity—especially when scrolling through social media and seeing my friends’ babies zooming around.
Now, with her speech delay, I often feel an overwhelming sense of blame. I wonder if I should’ve read her another bedtime story or introduced sign language sooner. I question whether I should have taken her to more playgroups or spent more time chatting with her on the floor. This cycle of self-doubt can distract me from fully appreciating the amazing little person right in front of me.
Focusing on her lack of words has blinded me to all the wonderful things she is doing. I realize now that amidst my worries, I’ve missed the beautiful moments. I see her showing affection to our dog, reaching for her favorite books every morning, and giggling as she turns the pages. I see her running with excitement during story time, arms raised to touch the book, or walking up to another toddler for a hug. I see her folding her hands in prayer when we say, “Let’s pray.” I notice how she rushes to the garden every time I mention watering the plants, or how she guides me to the cherry tomato plants to pick one for a snack. I see her cheer for her dad during church services and wave to everyone passing by. I even notice her picking up leaves and sticks to examine closely. I see her cuddled up to me in a warm embrace.
When I shift my focus from what she isn’t doing to all that she is achieving, I discover a world full of wonder and curiosity. I still find myself wondering about the milestones of other toddlers and listening with longing for their little voices. I wait with hopeful anticipation for Lily to find her words.
But until that day comes, I will keep my gaze on her, truly seeing her for who she is.
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Summary
Parenting a toddler who isn’t talking yet can be challenging, filled with moments of self-doubt and comparisons to other children. However, by shifting the focus from language development to the myriad of ways in which your child expresses themselves, you can appreciate their unique journey. Celebrate the small victories, and remember to see the beauty in the present moment.