My youngest, Max, just started pre-K this past September. In the weeks leading up to it, I was a bit of a wreck. Max is my final child, and while I knew he would thrive in “big boy” school, the thought of leaving him behind tugged at my heartstrings.
Miraculously, we navigated the first few weeks without any tears from either of us. I was more concerned about my own emotional outbursts than his. However, this morning, nearly two months into the school year, it hit me.
After dropping Max off, I stopped by my older son’s elementary school, which is conveniently right next door. I found myself lingering outside, watching the kids line up and head inside. It was a routine I had repeated countless times before, chatting with other moms.
“Where’s Max?” a familiar face asked.
“Oh, he’s in pre-K now,” I replied.
“Wow, that happened fast,” she said. “I remember when you used to bring him here all bundled up in a carrier.”
In that moment, I looked down, half-expecting to see Max at my side. Instead, I felt the ache of his absence. That’s when the tears came.
As I walked home, I tried to hold back the tears that had finally surfaced. It was a walk I had made countless times with Max by my side. When he was a baby, I would carry him in a baby carrier, breathing in his sweet baby scent. As he grew, we would stroll hand-in-hand, our short walk often stretching into a leisurely 15 minutes as he stopped to pick up stones or jumped into puddles.
I recalled those moments, and what struck me most was that I couldn’t remember our last walk home together. Did I even realize it was the final time just the two of us would stroll after dropping off his brother? Why didn’t I cherish that moment more?
Parenting is filled with daily routines that seem to last forever, but eventually, they come to an end. Sometimes you’re aware of the last moment, and other times, it slips away unnoticed. For instance, my older son used to fall asleep holding my hand every night, but one day, that stopped, and I can’t recall when it happened.
With my younger son, there was a charming little ritual where he would tug on my lips while nursing. It was adorable yet annoying, and it gradually faded away without me realizing the last time he did it.
There are countless moments like these—simple things that seemed eternal until they weren’t. You might have thought your newborn would always sleep on your chest or that your toddler would never stop needing to be carried. There must have been a last time when I carried one of my little ones on my hip, their tiny legs wrapped around me perfectly.
You never know when these moments will end, but they always do. I try to appreciate every moment with my kids, but life can be overwhelming, and the daily grind often feels tiring and repetitive.
It’s a bittersweet reality: you don’t realize what you’ll miss until it’s gone. I’m learning to accept this about parenting and life, but it can still break my heart.
My only comfort today is the hope that Max might feel under the weather soon and stay home from school, or maybe we’ll take a day off just to enjoy each other. But even then, it won’t be the same.
Ultimately, we must accept that we won’t catch every last moment and that childhood will slip by faster than we can keep track. Perhaps all we can do is breathe deeply and try our best to savor the present moments with our little ones. For more insights on parenting, check out this piece on navigating the journey of home insemination or visit the CDC for excellent resources on pregnancy and home insemination.
Summary
This reflection on parenting captures the bittersweet moments of raising children. It reminds us of the fleeting nature of childhood and encourages us to cherish present experiences with our kids, no matter how mundane they may seem.