I’ve been joyfully married for nearly two decades, but I don’t claim to be an authority on love, relationships, or marriage. Instead, I feel incredibly fortunate, grateful, and proud to be part of a marriage that I hope my children will aspire to emulate in their own futures.
So, how have we maintained our successful partnership for so long? Simply put, we’ve put in the effort. We understand that marriage requires continuous care—much like that pesky rose bush which, while capable of producing the most beautiful blossoms, demands daily attention. We strive to treat our marriage as the vital machine it is; it’s a cherished and efficient system that may require repairs occasionally but will never need replacing. Our marital “machine” runs smoothly, and it’s the small, meaningful actions that I hope my children are noticing and will remember when it’s their turn to keep their own partnerships thriving.
1. Disagreements Are Normal, Even in Front of the Kids
We argue, we reconcile, and we don’t shy away from doing it in front of our children. It’s important to demonstrate respectful and intelligent disagreements, showing them that intense conflicts don’t equate to a lack of love. Sometimes we go to bed with unresolved issues (gasp!), and our kids see that too. By showing that it’s okay to “sleep on it” rather than forcing a resolution, we’re teaching them that patience can be more effective than the cliché “never go to bed mad.” Every marriage faces disagreements, and pretending otherwise in front of your kids creates an unrealistic picture of what a healthy relationship looks like.
2. Discuss Finances Openly
Conversations about money—like expenses, savings, and the importance of budgeting—should happen openly in front of your children. Keeping financial discussions secret will only lead to your kids growing up without a clear understanding of financial responsibility.
3. Engage in Political Conversations Together
Stay informed and actively discuss political issues as a couple. It’s easy to feel discouraged about the state of our country, but disengaging in front of your children is not the answer. Discussing current events and candidates together allows your kids to see that you genuinely care about the world they will inherit.
4. Show Affection Regularly
Express affection for each other daily and let your kids witness it. This conveys that marriage is not solely about love but also about liking each other and the importance of physical intimacy in a relationship. When you hold hands in the car or cuddle while cooking, your children take note. Plus, let’s be honest—acting like teenagers in love will likely send them running to their rooms, giving you more private time!
5. Pursue Your Passions Together
Each partner should do what they excel at and what brings them joy, without feeling guilty. For us, embracing traditional roles has worked wonders; I stepped back from full-time work years ago because managing our home brings me joy, and I do it well. Whether it’s both partners working or taking turns at home, recognizing each other’s strengths and contributions is vital. This creates a harmonious environment that serves as a powerful example for your children.
Ultimately, your marriage may be the first—and perhaps only—example of true love your kids will witness. Love your partner fiercely and without regret, and do so openly. Those positive memories will be invaluable when they embark on their own journeys of love.
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In summary, the way you conduct your marriage sets a powerful precedent for your children. By demonstrating healthy conflict resolution, financial transparency, political engagement, daily affection, and respect for each other’s roles, you provide them with a solid foundation for their own relationships.