It’s funny how giving birth seems to qualify me as a child-rearing expert in the eyes of many. Just kidding—I’m definitely no expert. But with the number of friends who come to me for advice about motherhood, you might think I am one. The question I hear most often is, “Is it worth it?”
Perhaps they ask me because I share personal stories and insights for a living, or maybe because many of my friends have pursued their careers first and are now considering parenthood later in life. Regardless, I often find them surprised by my response.
Honestly, it might not be worth it. Whatever “it” is.
Being a mom was always a dream for me. I’ve wanted to be a mother for as long as I can remember. After years of struggling to conceive, I sometimes thought, “This can’t be right. I’m meant to be a mother. Why is this so hard?” I’ve never been certain about much else in my life, so this feeling was profound.
We began trying for a baby in our early 30s, unaware it would take five long years to finally get pregnant. I welcomed my first child at 37 and my second at 40. While this might seem late to some, I’ve never really taken the traditional route in life. I didn’t have kids because of societal expectations; I did it because I truly wanted to.
That’s why my advice tends to catch my friends off guard. They see how much I love motherhood and expect me to say, “It’s the best thing ever! As soon as your baby arrives, you’ll know it’s your destiny!” Instead, I often respond with, “If you’re uncertain, maybe it’s best not to have kids. You already have a pretty fantastic life, don’t you?”
This usually leads to blank stares and puzzled looks.
What’s wrong with enjoying the freedom to travel spontaneously, sip a drink in the afternoon, or dedicate time to your own career and interests? I know many single, childless friends in their 40s who are genuinely happy. Yes, there are some who feel unfulfilled, but adding a baby to their lives won’t necessarily fix that.
I firmly believe not every woman is inherently meant to be a mother. Just because you have the physical ability to bear children doesn’t mean you should. Many couples succumb to societal pressure that suggests having kids is essential for happiness. But that simply isn’t true.
In fact, this line of thinking isn’t serving humanity well. The world is already facing overpopulation, and we don’t have the resources to support all these new lives. So, no, there isn’t a pressing biological need for everyone to reproduce. We’re okay for now.
Let’s be real: parenthood is hard. It involves countless sacrifices that require serious readiness. Every time I mention this, someone inevitably gets offended, claiming, “Motherhood isn’t hard!” But let’s face it, it is. It may be rewarding, but it’s definitely tough.
The biggest dilemma is that the crucial questions we have about parenthood often remain unanswered. Why should I have a child? Will having kids make me stronger or more selfish? How will it transform me? Will I even bond with this new person? What will my life become? If someone says they have all the answers, they’re probably not being honest.
That’s why I say what I do: If you’re unsure about having children, perhaps you shouldn’t. I can only share my perspective, and my strong desire to be a parent has helped me navigate the challenging moments. If I wasn’t so certain about wanting kids, I wouldn’t be as content now.
I know some people who weren’t sure about being parents but found immense joy once they became one. However, I believe there needs to be some level of certainty when making such a monumental decision. After all, you’re bringing a new human into the world. That’s something you should feel pretty confident about, right?
Then, once you’re a parent, you’ll realize that certainty is a myth.
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In summary, if you’re on the fence about having kids, it may be wise to think twice. Embrace the life you have and consider whether you truly want to take on the responsibilities of parenthood.