Twice a year, my grandmother would tackle the task of washing her windows. My grandfather would carefully remove the panes and lean them against the walls while she scrubbed every inch with blue Windex and newspaper. Although she grumbled about it, there was a sense of accomplishment that came from this ritual every spring and fall.
My grandmother would be horrified if she knew that I’ve lived in my house for seven years without ever washing the windows. Sure, I’ve wiped a few smudges, but they’ve never met a bottle of Windex. We see through a glass darkly in our home, and honestly, we’re okay with it. Who has time for window cleaning when I can’t even afford a housekeeper? The windows are just the beginning of a long list of chores I ignore or procrastinate on. I know I’m not alone in this; when it comes to certain tasks, nobody has time for them.
1. Washing the Walls
My grandmother would scrub the walls down, armed with rags and a spray bottle. This seems like an outdated task meant to keep women busy. Gloria Steinem never washed her walls, and I only do it when my toddler gets creative with crayons or markers (or heaven forbid, Sharpies). The result? My hallway resembles a modern art piece rather than a clean home.
2. Scrubbing the Baseboards
Baseboards? Those decorative wooden pieces at the bottom of the wall? I’m supposed to scrub them because they get scuffed up? Honestly, I can barely remember they exist. Plus, scrubbing them would mean moving furniture, and that’s a hard pass. Who knows what lurks beneath there anyway?
3. Cleaning Under the Couch
Underneath my couch is a hidden world of dust, action figures, and empty juice boxes. It’s a dark abyss filled with treasures my 4-year-old would consider gold. I’d rather not confront that chaos; let the abyss remain a mystery.
4. Washing the Couch Cushions
Apparently, washing couch cushions is something people do. I’d only think to wash them if the dog had an accident, which means I live in a state of blissful ignorance. Those cushions are lucky to get fluffed. They primarily serve as makeshift laptop stands or naptime spots while my kids wreak havoc.
5. Sanitizing the Kids’ Toys
Some parents actually take the time to gather their kids’ toys and sanitize them in bleach solutions. Kudos to them, but my kids’ toys seem to multiply out of thin air. I don’t have the energy or the buckets for that level of cleanliness. I’ll stick to using bleach for laundry instead.
6. Organizing the Closets
My closet is a time capsule filled with clothes I never wear, old hats, and an alarming amount of dog hair. Sometimes my kids venture into that chaos, hoping to find hidden treasures. We call it charming to avoid facing the reality of the mess.
7. Washing the Washer
You’re supposed to run a wash cycle to clean the washer every few loads, right? Sounds like a waste of water to me. I figure that the washing machine does its own cleaning, and that’s good enough for me!
8. Cleaning the Top of the Refrigerator
Only the Lord can see the top of my fridge, and let’s just say it’s not pretty. Cereal boxes, a cutting board, and who knows what else are gathering dust up there. I’ll handle that mess when we move or if the fridge decides to give up on life.
Some might think my lack of cleaning makes me unfit to raise small boys who are messy in their own right. But I know I’m not alone in this. I’m just honest enough to admit it, even if it would make my grandmother spin in her grave. Deep cleaning? Nah, I’ll pass. God help my soul—and my house.
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Summary
In a humorous take on household chores, the author shares eight tasks they refuse to tackle due to time constraints and the chaos of parenting. From washing windows to cleaning under the couch, the article resonates with many who find themselves overwhelmed by the demands of maintaining a clean home while raising children.