As moms, we often find ourselves seeking ways to protect our sanity. Whether it’s inviting a friend over for a much-needed chat or sending a quick text to our partners to pick up dinner, we all have our strategies. Some days, we survive on those precious few minutes of solitude behind a closed bathroom door. Personally, I’ve managed my well-being by indulging in a bath, sipping wine, making phone calls, enjoying a comedy, fixing my hair, jogging, or indulging in ice cream. But sometimes, we need to embrace the concept of becoming a Disconnect Mom.
Now, I’m not suggesting any extreme measures, but rather the idea of temporarily setting aside that part of our brain that feels compelled to intervene, guide, or control our children’s actions. I first came across this idea from a friend’s counselor who advised her to “stop, unplug your brain, and become a Disconnect Mom” while navigating her kids’ squabbles.
Here are some instances where we could all benefit from this approach, allowing us to maintain our sanity:
- When your kids are bickering
I’ve noticed that when my children argue (and no one is getting hurt), they resolve their issues much faster if I keep quiet. When I step in, their focus shifts from convincing each other to convincing me, much like a marriage counselor entering an argument. - During homework time
Let’s be real—I hardly understand their assignments anymore. Trying to explain things the way I learned only leads to confusion. It’s best for everyone if I back off. - When they’re getting dressed
This is a tough one for me. However, if they want to wear mismatched outfits, that’s their choice. I’ve had to learn to let that go. - While they clean their rooms
Kids aren’t exactly cleaning prodigies, but if we don’t give them a chance to do it, they’ll never get better. - When they’re playing quietly
Do you ever wonder what your kids are up to when it’s too quiet? If they’re old enough to be safe, let them be. I often remind myself of this. - When they’re engaging in risky activities
Children should have opportunities to take some calculated risks—climbing trees, using pocket knives, and riding bikes down hills. I did these things, and I don’t want to hold them back out of my own fears. - When they’re struggling to make friends
It’s hard to watch your child face rejection at the playground. I can offer advice, but I can’t make friends for them. I have to step back and let them navigate this. - When they refuse to wear a coat
I once let my son stay in during recess because he didn’t want to wear his coat. He never complained about it again. Lesson learned! - While they express their creativity
Kids have unique imaginations. If we let them explore their creativity, they’ll surprise us with their ideas. We must resist the urge to enforce our own expectations. - When they tackle tasks you’ve assigned
Even if they don’t do it the way you’d prefer, let them figure it out. It’s okay to step back and let them learn from their mistakes.
Every now and then, we all need to unplug our mom brains. By doing so, we not only give our kids opportunities to learn independence but also reclaim parts of our own lives. If we focus on preserving our individual selves, we’ll find we have so much more to offer.
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Summary:
Navigating motherhood often requires a delicate balance between involvement and letting go. Embracing moments to temporarily “disconnect” can help moms preserve their sanity while empowering their children to grow and learn independently.