I always envisioned having two children, ideally with just a couple of years between them, so they could grow up side by side and form a close bond. However, after the birth of my first son, life took a different turn, and expanding our family became a challenge for several years. Thus, the dream of a two- or three-year age gap faded away.
When my wife and I finally decided to try again, I found myself with an unexpected scenario: we welcomed our second child in January, nearly five and a half years after our first. Fortunately, as our situation evolved, so did my perspective.
Typically, when parents have multiple kids, they think about the long-term dynamics, wishing for their little ones to be friends and companions. It’s a common hope—sibling rivalry aside! While there may be endless squabbles over toys and constant bickering, siblings can be built-in playmates that offer more excitement than any screen.
However, having a larger age gap changes that dynamic. There will be years before my youngest can truly engage with his older brother, and by the time he reaches that point, it’s possible his brother may not be as interested in playing with him. With that five-year difference, they may often find themselves on different wavelengths.
I do worry about how their relationship will develop when my older son is 16 and the younger one is just 11. I imagine the youngest will look up to his big brother, and I hope that my older son will be protective of him, but I can’t see them hanging out much during those teenage years when one is dating while the other is still in elementary school. Their friendship may not truly blossom until they reach their 20s when the constraints of school are behind them.
Right now, though, having that five-year age gap is a dream come true. I can hardly believe I once thought having kids close in age was ideal. Managing a toddler and a newborn? Two toddlers? Or a five-year-old and a baby? The thought is overwhelming!
With our current setup, my five-year-old is just independent enough that we don’t constantly have to keep an eye on him while managing the baby. He understands when we explain that the baby is sleeping and needs quiet. He’s even capable of turning on the TV himself, giving us a chance to catch up on some much-needed rest after those late-night feedings. Plus, he’s able to play without worrying about his toys being snatched away. He can even lend a helping hand—sometimes!
I’m relieved that I don’t have to juggle diapers for two, arrange daycare for two, or prepare baby food for two. While I can’t yet leave my five-year-old in charge for a movie date with my wife, we can still reuse the crib.
Every family has its unique circumstances, and this wasn’t the plan we initially had. Sure, it might have been easier to tackle all the baby phases back-to-back, but so far, this age gap has worked out quite well for us. We may have wanted our kids to be born closer together, but life had other ideas, and that’s perfectly okay with me.
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Summary
A larger age gap between my children has proven to be beneficial for our family dynamics. While I originally envisioned a closer age range for my kids, the five-and-a-half-year difference has brought unexpected advantages, such as greater independence and a more manageable household. In spite of my concerns about their relationship as they grow older, I appreciate the current balance we’ve found.