You’ve definitely noticed her. She’s the mom you spot at the grocery store, the park, the library, or even at a family-friendly restaurant. She often has more than one young child in tow. With an unmade face and a hairdo that resembles a messy bun precariously perched on her head, her clothes are usually stained with who knows what, and if they match, well, that’s just a bonus. While this might sound like a typical scene of motherhood, what truly sets ‘that’ mom apart is the cacophony of a wailing child (or children) by her side.
She’s acutely aware of your gaze. She notices the judgmental stares and hears the whispered comments from those around her, even if you think the chaos is too loud for her to catch them. Her cheeks flush with embarrassment and frustration, and yes, those glistening eyes are indeed filled with tears.
In the midst of this chaos, she fights to keep her composure. When a well-meaning older couple approaches her in an attempt to console her while her child is melting down, she musters a smile, though it’s a challenge. She appreciates their kindness, but the overwhelming situation is taxing. She hears phrases like “it gets easier” or “I’ve been through that,” and responds with a rehearsed line because that’s all she can handle at the moment. She dreams of escaping the scene, regardless of the cart full of groceries she has or the meals left untouched.
As she watches your calm children observing hers with puzzlement, a pang of envy strikes her. You, the picture-perfect mom, probably bake treats for the school bake sales and effortlessly juggle work and family. She wishes she could mirror your simplicity.
Years ago, my partner and I were at the mall when a piercing scream erupted from a young girl. Her mother was trying to soothe her, but the little one only grew louder. Then, a group of teenagers chimed in, with one loudly criticizing the mother for having her child in public. I vividly recall the mother’s face turning an array of deep reds as she confronted the teen, who suddenly felt sheepish. My partner and I chuckled at the situation, but I cringe at our earlier judgments about parenting and how we vowed our future kids wouldn’t behave like that.
Fast forward to today—I am that mom. I’m the one you watch as my child has a public meltdown. I dread outings, knowing the likelihood of a tantrum is high. I sit in my car post-grocery trip, head buried in the steering wheel, fighting back tears and attempting to regroup. I now live the reality I once judged harshly.
So, I ask you: before jumping to conclusions about her parenting, consider that there may be factors you can’t see. Perhaps the child is overtired, hungry, or experiencing something beyond their control. I can relate to that struggle; one of my children has autism spectrum disorder and sensory processing issues. When you see a child screaming in the checkout line, understand that even something as trivial as a cart not moving can trigger a meltdown. While you may assume it’s just poor behavior, it could be a struggle that’s invisible to you.
So, the next time you see that mom, offer her some grace. Don’t assume she’s failing as a parent; recognize that she is doing her utmost in a difficult moment. We all have tough days, and some children face more challenges than others. When you see me navigating through chaos, just know I’m trying my best. And if you think you could do better, I invite you to walk a mile in my shoes. Until you’ve lived it, you can’t truly understand the reality of being that mom.
For more insights on navigating parenthood and the journey of insemination, you might find it helpful to check out this resource or explore resources like this one and this NHS page.
In summary, being ‘that’ mom is challenging and often judged unfairly. Understanding and compassion go a long way in supporting parents facing tough situations, especially when external factors may be at play.