My partner and I were nearing the end of our honeymoon, sharing a sweet kiss in the parking lot of a charming French bakery in Quebec City. We had chosen to visit Canada, hoping to savor the autumn vibes instead of fleeing to a warmer destination. Being there with him felt just as magical as I had imagined — simply perfect. We were brimming with enthusiasm for our future, completely wrapped up in each other. We were aligned in our desires, eager to embark on this journey together. I was still riding high on the thrill of being Mrs. Thompson, and I loved slipping “my husband” into conversations instead of using his real name.
As we embraced, a woman strolled by, observing us with a knowing smile. Her stunning gray hair was elegantly tied at the nape of her neck, and her red lipstick accentuated her beauty. She wore jeans better than anyone I had ever known and was accompanied by a man, their hands intertwined. Our eyes met, and for a moment, she held my gaze with a warmth that sent a shiver down my spine. I felt her presence deeply, as if she were right next to me, even as I tried to refocus on my husband.
The following morning, I woke up early, leaving my sleeping partner behind to treat him to pastries from the bakery. To my surprise, the same woman was sitting outside, alone. Her hair and lips were just as striking. She wore bifocals and was busy writing a letter. When she noticed me, she greeted me with a different smile — one that felt softer, gentler than the fiery one from the night before.
“You were the couple I saw last night, sharing a kiss right here, weren’t you?” she remarked.
“Yes, my husband and I are on our honeymoon.”
“Ah, yes. The honeymoon phase. Please, sit,” she offered, pulling out a chair for me. “I have been married for 32 years. There’s only one honeymoon. Once it’s over, and you start navigating the realities of life, that’s when you discover what your relationship is truly built upon.”
Of course, I had heard such advice before. Friends had shared their experiences, and I knew couples who faced struggles, but I believed we were different. “That won’t be us,” I thought. “We have a strong foundation and a plan. It will always be this way.”
“Your marriage will feel heavy at times,” she continued.
“No, it won’t. He is everything to me. We adore each other,” I thought, but I stayed and listened, curious despite my reservations.
Years later, I’ve come to understand her insight. There will be days when you don’t want to engage with your partner, when they do something trivial that ignites unexpected anger — not because of the action itself, but because it’s a recurring issue. You might find yourself irritated by the smallest things. You will sometimes forget to show up as your best self, and there will be moments when you no longer see the person you fell in love with, forcing you to fight against mere coexistence.
You’ll argue over parenting styles, finances, intimacy, and the trivial matter of who took out the trash last. You may recognize that your actions are causing harm to your relationship, yet you’ll proceed anyway. You’ll learn how to truly hurt each other, and there will be days when you hope your partner has the strength to step up after a long, exhausting day. You’ll want them to take the reins because you feel spent. Sometimes they will, but other times it won’t be fair to expect that of them. They may feel overwhelmed the moment they walk through the door, wanting to retreat rather than engage.
You’ll both reminisce about the way things used to be, and discussing it will be tough. Your marriage will have highs and lows, and during the lows, you might question whether it’s meant to be. You could even contemplate if it’s the end.
However, if you endure the struggles as my partner and I have, if you learn to shoulder the burdens together — and still find joy in one another after fighting for your relationship, for yourselves, and for your family — then that’s what a marriage is about.
I don’t recall every word that beautiful woman shared with me outside that bakery in Quebec City, but I’ll always remember her presence — our conversation, the way she looked at me, and how I felt sitting beside her. I wasn’t fully convinced by her words at the time, but something in her, or perhaps something within me, compelled me to stay and listen. Her wisdom has echoed in my mind many times throughout my marriage.
While I’m no expert on marriage, after 14 years, my partner and I have learned that when relationships grow heavy, it’s often possible to share the burden. But sometimes…it just isn’t. Even the happiest of marriages can feel weighty, and like everything else life throws our way, we’re all just doing our best to navigate our relationships, especially during those heavy moments.
If you’re seeking more insights on navigating relationships, check out our post on home insemination, where we delve into other life experiences that shape our journeys. For more information on the process itself, you might be interested in Cryobaby’s at-home insemination kit, which is a great resource for those exploring this path. Additionally, MedlinePlus offers excellent information about pregnancy and home insemination that could be beneficial.
In summary, even the happiest marriages encounter moments of heaviness. The journey can be filled with challenges, but through mutual effort and understanding, it’s possible to emerge stronger together.