Updated: July 11, 2017
Originally Published: Oct. 11, 2016
Dear Fellow Not-So-Cool Moms,
I’m reaching out specifically to those of you who find yourselves at the school drop-off line each day, feeling like you’ve stepped into an alternate universe where the “popular crowd” consists of moms in designer leggings and witty T-shirts. Do you also marvel at these chic moms, with their perfectly applied lipstick and coordinated handbags, effortlessly juggling their artisanal coffees and impeccably groomed children?
Meanwhile, I’m just relieved if I remember to wear pants on the way to school. Typically, I’m wrangling one child dressed like a fashion disaster while trying to shove their leftover breakfast in their mouth with my other hand. And let’s not even get started on the permission slips my quirky child forgot to hand in, which means he might miss out on today’s field trip in just a few minutes.
When my daughter started kindergarten, I began to suspect I might have overlooked some crucial social dynamics by sending her to preschool in a different area. At the time, it made sense since I was working there. I didn’t have the bandwidth to think about all the playdates, story hours, and park outings happening in our new neighborhood. I was just trying to keep my head above water as a new mom.
On that first school morning, I was struck by how many of the moms already seemed to be friends. They were hugging each other’s kids and it felt like one big happy reunion. My daughter and I stood off to the side, feeling the gap between us and them widen, measured in years of shared experiences and cocktails. It quickly became clear that we were the odd ones out—there are those who care about their appearance for drop-off and those of us who… well, let’s just say we don’t.
I’ve made some attempts to fit in, though perhaps not with the fervor it deserves. The cool moms have a deep-rooted camaraderie, having shared everything from sleepless nights to first steps. As an outsider, the difference can feel painfully apparent. The few times I do get invited to join, I’m reminded that my story doesn’t align with theirs, and it often leaves me feeling more isolated than included.
So, to all the other moms who think they might have missed the chance to join the “cool mom” club because you’re busy working, new to the area, or just not that invested—I’m right there with you. I see you in your pajamas, with your messy-haired child and the remnants of lunch scattered in your car. You’re my crew. Let’s indulge in some carbs together.
For now, I’ll cherish the friendships I’ve built outside the school gates, and I’ll scroll quickly past the social media posts showcasing those glamorous gatherings and celebrations. Maybe we just weren’t meant to fit in. Besides, I’m not sure I can keep up with all that cuticle care.
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Summary:
This piece reflects on the feelings of exclusion many moms experience when they don’t fit into the “cool mom” crowd at school. It acknowledges the challenges of fitting in while celebrating the unique friendships formed outside of that environment. The article encourages all moms to embrace their differences and connect with others in similar situations.