The Google Search History of a 6-Year-Old Boy

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By Jordan Miller
Updated: Aug. 21, 2015
Originally Published: May 5, 2012

I have to express my gratitude to the genius who developed Internet parental controls. Navigating the world of parenting in today’s tech-centric society can be quite daunting. The moment my young son first earnestly requested his own smartphone, I briefly considered the simplicity of a life without technology. However, embracing modernity while ensuring safety is crucial. Thus, we’ve implemented strict Internet parental controls in our home. And I’m incredibly thankful for that because without them, I would have missed out on one of the most entertaining insights into childhood creativity: my 6-year-old son’s Google search history.

When he’s not busy playing games like Angry Birds and Dr. Panda’s Restaurant, my son enjoys experimenting with the voice search feature on his dad’s smartphone. He’ll sit there, voicing whatever pops into his mind to see what Google conjures up. The other evening, my husband walked into the room chuckling and handed me his phone, urging me to check out what our son had been searching. What I discovered was a delightful blend of childhood wonder, attention span chaos, and a glimpse into the mind of a little boy.

Here’s a peek into the whirlwind of thoughts from my son:

• 7:39 p.m. Searched for images of Triceratops and Allosaurus (Fairly standard.)
• 7:39 p.m. Searched for pictures of all dinosaurs battling (Ambitious, to say the least.)
• 7:40 p.m. Searched for pictures of Bigfoot.
• 7:40 p.m. Searched for images of gorillas.
• 7:40 p.m. Searched for pictures of Batman socks (Logical progression.)
• 7:41 p.m. Searched for images of Beethoven playing the piano (Impressive cultural interest…)
• 7:41 p.m. Searched for pictures of Beethoven the dog playing piano (Ah, now it makes sense.)
• 7:42 p.m. Searched for pictures of pretend girls playing piano (Yikes, didn’t see that coming until puberty.)
• 7:42 p.m. Searched for pictures of fake gorillas playing piano (Relief! Glad he clarified.)
• 7:43 p.m. Searched for pictures of T-Rex Godzilla (Is this similar to Sharknado?)
• 7:44 p.m. Searched for pictures of T-Rex holding hands with Triceratops (Aw, such innocence.)
• 7:45 p.m. Searched for pictures of all dinosaurs together (Kumbaya, sweet little guy…)
• 7:46 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant dinosaurs fighting people (And there’s the twist.)
• 7:47 p.m. Searched for pictures of a strong and skinny T-Rex with chains on its wrists (What happened to peace and harmony?)
• 7:48 p.m. Searched for pictures of a muscular Velociraptor in jeans (Not gonna lie, I’m curious!)
• 7:49 p.m. Searched for images of all mutant dinosaurs (Again with the mutants?)
• 7:49 p.m. Searched for pictures of dinosaurs chowing down on Chinese food (I can only imagine the T-Rex with chopsticks!)
• 7:49 p.m. Searched for images of mutant chickens (Naturally.)
• 7:50 p.m. Searched for pictures of a Hot Wheels guy on a Captain America motorcycle (Maybe a little too macho?)
• 7:50 p.m. Searched for images of a mutant dinosaur piloting the Death Star.
• 7:50 p.m. Searched for pictures of a mutant dinosaur swearing (What? My little angel wouldn’t…)
• 7:51 p.m. Searched for pictures of a mutant dinosaur wearing a clone trooper helmet (Phew.)
• 7:51 p.m. Searched for images of mutant Captain America (Isn’t that redundant?)
• 7:52 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Is there an extra mutant version?)
• 7:53 p.m. Searched for images of Steel Jaw the real robot.
• 7:54 p.m. Searched for pictures of dinosaur steel.
• 7:55 p.m. Searched for images of a dog with huge muscles (Huh?)
• 7:55 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant dogs (Wow, he loves mutants.)
• 7:56 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant dinosaur dogs (And dinosaurs, especially the mutant kind.)
• 7:56 p.m. Searched for images of Yadier Molina (Not sure how this fits into the mix, but Go Cards!)
• 7:56 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant dinosaurs playing baseball.
• 7:57 p.m. Searched for images of human dinosaurs (I think he meant “Larry King.”)
• 7:57 p.m. Searched for pictures of rock people (Again, “Larry King.”)
• 7:57 p.m. Searched for images of mummies (Also “Larry King.”)
• 7:57 p.m. Searched for pictures of babies (Aww.)
• 7:58 p.m. Searched for images of babies wearing poopy diapers (And there it is.)
• 7:58 p.m. Searched for pictures of Jesus carrying the cross (Props to Catholic school!)
• 7:59 p.m. Searched for images of Jim Parsons (Um, Catholic school?)
• 8:00 p.m. Searched for images of baby Jim Parsons (As opposed to…)
• 8:00 p.m. Searched for pictures of mutant baby Jim Parsons (Should have seen that one coming.)
• 8:01 p.m. Searched for pictures of really beautiful Jim Parsons (He’s quite a fan.)
• 8:01 p.m. Searched for pictures of Godzilla lizards (Are we still on Jim Parsons?)
• 8:02 p.m. Searched for pictures of a skinny three-headed Godzilla the nerd (Yep, still Jim Parsons.)
• 8:03 p.m. Searched for images of space with nerds in space (When did he start watching that show?)
• 8:04 p.m. Searched for pictures of April Fool’s mailboxes (Not sure I want to know.)
• 8:04 p.m. Searched for pictures of the Kids’ Choice Awards (Thanks, Nickelodeon brainwashing.)
• 8:05 p.m. Searched for images of Nick Jonas wearing push-up suits (This needs to end now.)

And just like that, it did. I can’t help but wonder where Nick Jonas would lead his imagination if this search continued. Nonetheless, it was a joy to catch a glimpse into my son’s mind for half an hour. I think some dinosaur-themed gifts are definitely warranted for his upcoming birthday, as he seems to have a bit of an obsession brewing.

Oh, dear. I just realized that when he enters his teenage years, I could probably swap “dinosaur” for “dating” and get a rather accurate picture of his thoughts. Someone remind me not to check his search history then! For more insights into parenting in this digital age, check out this article. And if you’re looking into at-home insemination kits, check out this link. Additionally, this resource offers excellent information on pregnancy and home insemination.

In summary, parenting in the age of technology can be challenging yet amusing, especially when it comes to understanding the whimsical thought processes of children. Embracing these moments, while ensuring safety through smart tools, is key to navigating this new frontier.