Most people see me as an outgoing and engaging individual. On good days, I flourish in the company of friends and family. I typically bring my best parenting skills to the table (or at least I can pretend convincingly), and I strive to be a supportive partner, parent, daughter, and friend.
But today? Not so much.
Today feels like I’m tumbling down a dark well. These days are rare, but they crop up more often than I’d like to admit. You know those days when being the parent you aspire to be seems impossible, and you can’t quite figure out why? Those are the days when I shut down, focusing only on the essentials.
Days like this can feel suffocating. They engulf me and spit me back out, leaving me feeling disconnected. I don’t want to answer calls or check my messages. The weight of the world feels overwhelming. All I crave is to curl up in bed, hiding from everything beneath my covers.
I can’t pinpoint exactly why today is different. Maybe it was the fact that my son woke up multiple times last night from bad dreams. Or perhaps it’s the broken air conditioner that’s been a nuisance for over a week. Then there was the downpour I faced when I went to get my blood drawn, and my son’s iPad died right when I needed it most. On top of that, I’m anxious about more storms, worrying about being stuck at home with my son all week.
It could be any one of those things, or maybe it’s a mix of all of them.
Life is often unpredictable, and as mothers, we learn to roll with the punches, thriving amid chaos. Most days, we rise to the challenge and shine. But on some days, the weight of life feels too heavy, and it’s not that we can’t handle it; we simply don’t want to. We yearn for a moment of peace to recharge, yet others rely on us.
The reality is that life demands our attention, regardless of our mental state. Meals need to be cooked, drinks served, and countless little tasks await us. Our little ones depend on us for everything, from fetching their favorite toys to cleaning up messes. We push through, but often we do so without the passion and energy we usually bring. We end up delivering a diluted version of ourselves, and I’ve come to terms with that.
The notion that a mother can be “on” every single day is unrealistic. Some days are just tough, and we need to accept the highs and lows of motherhood. It doesn’t make us inadequate; it makes us human. No mom is flawless. Those who appear to have it all together every day are likely just putting on a front.
There’s no way these so-called perfect moms can whip up an organic meal when they feel like collapsing, or organize engaging activities while just wanting to hide away. And maintaining patience with their kids when they feel like exploding inside? Impossible.
On days like today, I’ve learned to parent in survival mode, and I’m okay with not meeting all my usual standards. I’m fine serving canned soup and letting my son watch an iPad. I’m okay with him staying in his pajamas all day, feeding the cat half of his sandwich, and creating a trail of crumbs through the house. I’m alright with him letting loose and making a mess, canceling playdates because socializing feels too daunting, and asking my partner to come home early because I’m reaching my limit.
It’s important to recognize that mothers have days that just don’t go right. We deserve the space to have a bad day without feeling guilty. Sometimes, we just need to exist. I know that tomorrow might bring a fresh perspective, or maybe it won’t.
For now, I just need to cope without judgement, from others or, most importantly, from myself.
If you’re looking for more insights on navigating motherhood, check out this post on home insemination kits, which could be helpful in your journey. You can also find valuable resources about pregnancy and home insemination at WebMD. If you’re interested in fertility journeys, Make a Mom has great information to guide you.
Summary:
Every parent experiences tough days, and it’s okay to not feel like the best version of yourself all the time. Embracing survival mode and giving yourself permission to take it easy can be a crucial step in navigating the chaos of motherhood. Remember, you’re not alone in having days when just getting by is enough.