Ah, children. What a delightful gift they are, right? Do you remember life before kids? When we could buy nice things and simply place them wherever we wanted, with the assurance they would remain untouched? Those were the days!
Fast forward to now, and it feels like my entire world has been turned upside down. My home, my car, and, let’s face it, my sanity — everything feels compromised. It’s as if my kids possess an uncanny ability to find and obliterate anything I hold dear.
So, I’ve decided to pen an “open letter” to my little treasures, mainly because they excel at opening things and never seem to remember to close them. Not that they will read it, but hey, I enjoy a good chat with myself.
My beloved children,
You are the highlight of my life. You bring me joy, but you also drive me to the brink of insanity. I thought motherhood would transform me into a selfless giver at all times. Spoiler alert: it didn’t. Some things still belong to me, and I’d appreciate it if you could refrain from invading these sacred spaces:
My Bed
I’ll admit, when you were tiny, I loved snuggling with you. But now? You’re practically a giant! Sleeping with you feels like a wrestling match. There’s drooling, punching, and one memorable incident where I got my ear bitten. Seriously!
My Guest Bathroom
This little oasis is the last remnant of my pre-kid life. It has white towels, fancy soaps, and no toothpaste smudges. So why do you insist on turning it into your personal restroom? It’s the only pretty room in our house! Can I have just this one space free from chaos?
My Purse
It’s not a treasure trove for your snacks or a dumping ground for your half-eaten bananas. If you think finding surprises like banana goo in my purse is fun, then maybe parenthood is for you!
My Phone
Your phone is always dead, so naturally, you come running for mine. And why is mine always dead? Because while I’m attempting to have a conversation, you’re busy streaming videos or filming your latest dance moves. Thanks a lot!
My Bedroom/Closet/Nightstand
You really don’t want to unearth some of the things hidden away in my space. Trust me, you might stumble upon baby teeth or that “collection” that you wouldn’t want to see… Just back away slowly!
My Makeup
This one’s aimed at my daughter, of course. Unless my son suddenly decides to go for a goth look.
My Good Chocolate
You are perfectly welcome to eat your leftover Halloween treats, but leave my gourmet Swiss truffles alone. You won’t enjoy them; they’re… spicy. Yeah, that’s it!
My Plate
No matter what I’m eating, you always ask for a bite only to remind me at the last moment that you only like plain, beige foods. Thanks for the spit-back on my plate; I was done eating anyway!
My Good Scissors
I had one fantastic pair of scissors, but now I’m left with some safety scissors covered in banana goo. Thanks again!
My Adult Conversations
It’s tough to have meaningful conversations when you’re yelling about your latest bathroom triumphs in the background. Why does this always happen the moment I sit down to chat?
One day, when I’m older and a bit grayer, you’ll help me sort through my mess and say, “Sorry, Mom, for wrecking your house and dreams.” And then you’ll probably send me off to a home and visit just to snag the Jell-O off my tray.
Hopefully, you’ll have children of your own someday, and they’ll repay me for all of this!
Love,
Mom
If you’re interested in more parenting insights, check out this helpful resource on pregnancy and home insemination. And if you’re curious about the topic of home insemination itself, you might find this link to be quite engaging. For more information on how to plan for the future, you can also explore this authority on artificial insemination!
Summary
This humorous letter from a mother to her children captures the chaos and challenges of parenting while reminiscing about life before kids. The letter highlights the mother’s desire for personal space and privacy amidst the delightful, yet overwhelming, reality of raising children.