Attention, fellow children of the ’80s! It seems our beloved childhood toy is making a comeback, but this time, it’s creepier than ever before. Get ready for the return of Teddy Ruxpin, but maybe keep the little ones away from this one—trust me, it’s a doozy.
Do you remember the original Teddy? He was a talking bear with a cassette player tucked into his back (which, let’s be real, was a bit unsettling), reading stories in his soothing voice. His mouth moved, and his lifeless eyes blinked slowly, giving him an eerie vibe that was hard to shake off. If you need a reminder of just how unsettling he was, just take a look.
I can still recall the nights I would frantically remove Teddy’s batteries before bed, convinced he’d come to life and launch an attack while I slept. The thought of him turning his head and watching me as I drifted off was enough to send chills down my spine. Our relationship was a peculiar mix of affection and fear, with an unspoken agreement to coexist peacefully.
Now, the new model has me feeling equally uneasy. I’m going to dub him Teddy WhatTheFucksPin™.
According to BuzzFeed, the original Teddy made his debut in September 1985. Fast forward 31 years, and Wicked Cool Toys has swapped the cassette deck for an iPad app, but it seems the unsettling essence remains. His dazzling blue eyes now animate with various shapes—think red hearts, swirling snowflakes, and an unsettling dilated look that gives him a truly possessed appearance. It’s hard to envision a child not being terrified by this new design.
With all these creepy enhancements, I find myself yearning for the days when Teddy’s eyes simply moved rather than glowed with what appears to be pure malevolence. It almost feels like a boardroom of executives sat down and brainstormed ways to make kids dive under their blankets in sheer terror. Judging by the outcome, they’ve hit the nail on the head.
For now, don’t worry too much; Teddy 2.0 won’t hit the shelves until August 2017. You might want to consider making friends with some priests just in case one of these unholy toys ends up in your living room for Christmas.
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Summary
The new Teddy Ruxpin has returned with a creepier design than ever, swapping out his original cassette player for an iPad app. With unsettling animated eyes and a vibe that could make anyone shudder, this reboot might not be suitable for kids. Set to release in August 2017, it’s a nostalgic nightmare for those who remember the original.