As my children have transitioned into their teenage years, our approach to discipline has evolved. Let’s be honest—seeing a 12-year-old in a time-out chair just looks silly. We’ve customized our disciplinary methods to suit each child’s personality and have carefully considered how to turn mistakes into valuable learning experiences. I’ve often heard that every child has their own “currency,” and for mine, the loss of privileges or an added chore tends to be effective when consequences are necessary. We have open discussions about their mistakes, and we aim to deliver consequences that are both fair and relevant to their teenage misbehavior. We believe in addressing issues without holding past mistakes over their heads, as we feel that prolonged punishments don’t help children grasp long-term consequences.
This is why grounding is not part of our disciplinary toolkit.
I remember being a kid, riding my bike to a friend’s house on a hot summer day, hoping to find someone to ride with. I’d knock on her door, only to be met with her sad face as she told me she was grounded for a week. I felt for her; grounding not only affected her but me too—as her friend, I also lost our time together. As I rode home, I thought about how grounding was a punishment that extended beyond the child in trouble.
Today’s kids, however, live in a very different world. The carefree days of biking to a friend’s house or gathering at the park have given way to a lifestyle dominated by screens and social media. There’s less face-to-face interaction, with many kids spending time alone at home rather than out with friends. This shift is why I refuse to ground my kids and take away their opportunities for socialization.
Regardless of their missteps, my children will still attend their friends’ birthday parties or the Friday night football game. These moments are crucial for their social development, much like practicing an instrument or mastering a subject in school. I want them to enjoy the thrill of seeing their crush at a party or the excitement of a crowd when their team scores. With the limited chances for social interaction today, it seems counterproductive to take that away as a punishment for typical teenage behavior.
Grounding can also lead to neglect of responsibilities, like letting down teammates or missing out on school activities. I’d rather engage in a conversation about their behavior and impose consequences that align with our family values than embarrass them publicly for mistakes we all made as teens. Honestly, aside from serious issues like drugs or violence at school, I struggle to think of typical teenage misbehavior that warrants an entire week of isolation.
Instead of grounding, my husband and I often opt to revoke social media access or limit their favorite shows. We want our teens to grow into well-rounded individuals who can navigate social situations, even if they’re growing up in a different era than we did. We believe that consequences should teach them important lessons without using their friendships as leverage. Being a teenager is challenging enough, and now more than ever, friendships are essential for their growth.
While I may not believe in grounding, my kids understand that I have my limits. I control access to their devices, drive them to activities, and manage their social lives. So while grounding may be off the table, I won’t hesitate to pull the plug on screen time if needed.
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In summary, I believe that grounding is not an effective way to teach my children about consequences. Instead, I focus on open communication and relevant consequences that foster growth and understanding. Social interactions are vital for their development, and I want to support their friendships rather than hinder them.