Recently, there’s been talk about phasing out playdates. Some folks argue, like Tom Dadson, that they’re “killing the spontaneity of childhood.” They claim it’s too formal and suggests organized activities, implying that children are scheduled for “dates” based on their parents’ choices. Much of the conversation revolves around nostalgia for simpler times, when kids could ride their bikes to a friend’s house without a second thought or explore a creek for the thrill of it.
However, my children are still under 7 and can’t ride to friends’ homes, nor do we have any nearby. I too would love for them to have adventures in the great outdoors. If you can find a creek where they can play without anyone worrying about trespassing laws, count me in. Most parents I know would be thrilled to let their kids poke around in nature—we’re just lacking the right spots.
The Birth of the Modern Playdate
Thus, the modern playdate was born. Here’s how it goes: My child expresses a desire to play with a friend, and I steer clear of arranging a playdate with any kid who might bully him, regardless of how much I like their parent. Once we’ve settled on a time and location, typically at our home, I scramble to tidy up the chaos of toys scattered everywhere. The other parent arrives with their child, and my kids dash off to create imaginary worlds—pirates, astronauts, or just a colossal mess of toys.
This setup is beneficial for several reasons. My child gets to socialize, which is especially important since he’s homeschooled, limiting his interactions to a couple of group outings each week. Even kids in traditional schools only have recess to connect with peers. Playdates allow my son to choose his companions, and when he asks, “When can we see so-and-so again?” I know it’s time to text the other mom and arrange another meetup.
Home Playdates: Pros and Cons
Most of our playdates happen at home, especially during these sweltering months when parks are less appealing. While home playdates have their pros and cons, they typically allow the visiting mom to escape her messy house, while I’m left to conquer the clutter in mine. And despite the internal struggle to tidy up—because no matter how many times someone assures you it’s not necessary, it feels like a rule—you end up with a cleaner space. Plus, no one really wants to host a lunch for a gaggle of kids and another adult—it’s a recipe for chaos.
Once the kids are off on their adventures, the bliss begins. They’re excited to see each other, and even the younger siblings have their fun nearby. This leaves us moms to enjoy some adult conversation. Resist the impulse to cling to this rare moment of peace. Brew some coffee, pour a glass of red wine, and chat about everything from parenting woes to the latest Netflix series. You can even sneak in a few episodes of that new show you’ve been dying to watch while the kids are happily engaged in their own world.
The Value of Playdates
Playdates offer a fantastic break for both kids and moms, transporting us out of our everyday routines and into someone else’s space. And don’t forget the golden rule: if the visiting parent is thoughtful, their child should help clean up before heading home. Just don’t mention that the room was already a mess—let them think they contributed to the chaos!
In summary, playdates are invaluable. They provide crucial social time for kids and a much-needed excuse for moms to connect. If you take away our playdates, you take away our social interactions.
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