I used to be the person who arrived early to every gathering, always prepared and on time. But that was before I had kids—back when my home was tidy and my pillows stayed put. Now, my morning routine has become a chaotic adventure that requires at least an hour of prep. Yet, despite my best efforts, we still end up late, and here’s why:
- My toddler insists on dressing herself.
“Mommy, I can do it!” she declares. It begins with both legs stuck in one pant leg, then a mix-up of leg holes and shirt holes. Sometimes, she’ll wave a white flag of surrender, but other times, we leave with her outfit looking like something out of a fashion show gone wrong. - My household operates at a snail’s pace.
The child without a coat is busy assembling a train set. The one without a shirt is searching for a toy we lost ages ago. Meanwhile, the shoeless child is sitting on the stairs, munching on their shoe. Good luck finding anyone near the car! - Locating my car keys is a challenge.
Honestly, my brain has been on vacation since my first child was born. If my keys aren’t on the key hook, in the ignition, or somehow stuck to my forehead, they’re lost in a black hole. - We have to make a pit stop at home.
Before we even leave, someone remembers their beloved bear, and suddenly, we’re backtracking. Once home, we can never seem to find it. Hours later, we’re still searching, minus the bear, which is now likely wedged between the car seats. - The garage is a mysterious realm.
When we need to go somewhere, my kids forget its existence. But when we’re just hanging out, it transforms into a treasure trove filled with their forgotten toys. - Bathroom breaks are a must.
The first child claims they don’t need to go, but then the second one requires privacy and the step stool. Just when I think we’re clear, the first one suddenly needs to go too. And just like that, the baby has a blowout right as we’re about to leave. - I discover spit-up in my hair.
It’s usually a surprise I find when I’m cleaning up syrup. Unfortunately, you can’t just wipe away the smell of sour milk, so I have to concoct a special cleaning solution with shampoo and water. - I had to change my shirt.
Spoiler alert: There was poop on it. You’re welcome! - Someone always seems to be hungry.
Breakfast? What’s that? They were too busy trying to navigate the complexities of pant leg holes to eat. - I totally forgot about your event.
Most days, I can’t even remember to brush my teeth until late at night. So, it’s a miracle I recall who you are, let alone when your event is happening.
So now that I’m finally here and your gathering is over, how about we just call it a coffee date or a playdate? You may not have kids, but I bet you’ve got a few pillows around. And those are kind of like kids, right?
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Summary:
Navigating parenthood often leads to chaotic mornings and unplanned delays. From toddler dressing mishaps to forgotten essentials, it’s a miracle if you arrive on time. A light-hearted look at the reasons behind being late as a parent reveals the humorous challenges of juggling kids and daily life.