Not long ago, I was enjoying a game of Candyland with my 3-year-old, Lucas. He was so close to reaching King Kandy’s castle and couldn’t contain his excitement. But just as often happens in the thrilling world of Candyland, he was sent back to Grandma Nutt’s house. The disappointment was written all over his little face, and he insisted he wouldn’t go to Grandma’s – he wanted to stay right where he was!
I explained that following the rules meant sometimes getting sent backward, and that it was all part of the game. I reassured him that winning wasn’t everything and that we could always play again later. To my surprise, instead of throwing a tantrum, he sulked for a moment but then accepted his fate and continued the game.
This moment reminded me of my experience with my older son, Ethan, at the same age. When faced with a similar setback, Ethan had erupted in frustration, sending the Candyland pieces flying across the room. His competitive spirit was evident even then, and it only intensified as he grew older. If he wasn’t winning, board games often ended with elaborate excuses about why he should have won or accusations of cheating.
There were times when his behavior embarrassed me, especially around family or friends. I found myself avoiding competitive games with him or only agreeing to play under strict conditions that he would follow the rules and accept losing gracefully. Thankfully, things improved over the years, and while he still had his moments, he managed to channel his competitiveness more productively.
Now, at 9 years old, Ethan is still passionate and a bit of a hothead, but he has become more self-aware. He handles his disappointments much better and understands that winning isn’t everything. Instead, I’ve noticed his competitive nature has evolved into a strong desire to succeed. If he doesn’t get the grade he wants on a math test, he takes the initiative to study harder for the next one. There have even been times he’s woken up early to finish his homework when he was too tired the night before.
Last year, his whole class received recorders, and I quickly found myself shopping for earplugs! Ethan took it upon himself to learn every song in the music book flawlessly, and his dedication amazed his music teacher. It’s inspiring to see how he can turn that competitive fire into something positive.
While I’m proud of his drive to excel, I do worry. Life isn’t always fair, and there will be times he faces setbacks, even in areas where he excels. It’s important for him to learn how to cope with those challenges. I strive to create a safe space for him to express his frustrations and fears. I provide encouragement and guidance on how to navigate life with both his strengths and weaknesses.
He has come a long way from the 3-year-old who once threw the Candyland board in a fit of rage. I’m genuinely proud of the bright, determined young man he is becoming. For those dealing with a fiercely competitive child, my advice is simple: be patient. Take a deep breath and hang in there. You’ll eventually see your child’s fierce spirit transform into a self-directed drive, ready to take on the world.
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In summary, nurturing a competitive spirit can lead to remarkable achievements, provided we guide our children through their emotions and challenges.