Parenting doesn’t come with a manual; it’s more like an improvisational performance where you’re constantly figuring things out as you go along. This week, our oldest child took a significant step in his life by getting married to the lovely girl who lives just down the street—a new title of “in-laws” for us!
Throughout our journey, we received plenty of advice and had some remarkable role models, but much of the time, we were navigating through uncharted waters. There were only a couple of times when anyone checked in on us. The first was when we left the hospital with our newborn, and a nurse ensured that our infant car seat was correctly installed. Years later, when our son was about three, the daycare asked me why he told them he spent the weekend in a cabinet. “Cabin!” I corrected. We had gone to a state park, it rained, and we stayed in the cabin. Thank you for your concern, though!
Most of our lessons came from trial and error. We learned as we went along, often supported by dear friends who were navigating the same new-mom waters before the internet made it easy to search for answers. We went through shifts in parenting advice—like putting babies to sleep on their tummies and then switching to their backs. We had baby walkers with wheels, which were later banned before our next child arrived. It often felt like we were part of a grand experiment in parenting.
Our son was slow to talk and walk, and he hesitated to swim, but ultimately, he mastered all those skills. The sleep lost worrying about those milestones? Gone forever. Now, I lose sleep over late-night teen driving and getting home from parties—that’s a “late” that keeps you up!
At one point, he insisted he wanted to walk two miles to kindergarten like his friends who lived closer. So, with his younger brother in a stroller, we made the trek. Not my best idea! I ended up carrying him on my back for the last few blocks, urging him to hang on tight like a little monkey at the zoo. Lesson learned: “monkey-tight” isn’t a practical mode of transportation.
After our third child arrived, we moved to a larger home with three bedrooms: small, medium, and large. We took the large room, placed the boys in the medium room, and put their baby sister in the small one, thinking it was logical. The boys quickly drew up a persuasive list on why they should have the bigger room. Our oldest, at age eight, organized a meeting to present their case. Their arguments—about having friends over and needing space for their Lego creations—were pretty solid. They got the larger room.
Years later, that same son, now eleven, made a list of all the adults shorter than he was who were allowed to sit in the front seat, all because he wanted to ride shotgun. Another good argument!
Life threw us some tough questions along the way. When our son was in third grade, a classmate passed away unexpectedly, and he asked how God could allow such a tragedy. I honestly replied, “I don’t know, but when I get the chance to talk to God, that will be my first question.” This conversation led to many others about difficult topics; the hardest being when I had to tell the kids I had cancer. He wanted to know if I was going to die. I spoke tearfully but truthfully: “Yes, but not from this.” Tough lessons, indeed.
Other lessons came as life unfolded: a pile of ball-bearings won’t support a minivan, so avoid driving on it; wearing a baseball uniform to receive a math medal is perfectly fine; lacrosse is a contact sport; and the Spanish learned in school will come in handy. Moments spent laughing with grandparents are priceless, and time spent at the beach or ballpark is never wasted. Picky eaters may eventually become more adventurous, and your brother will always be your ally. And sometimes, you’ll need to countersteer into an icy slide and run across the finish line of the National Race for the Cure, arms linked with your mom.
As for romance, when you realize the right girl has been just down the street all along, you’ll spend evenings walking together, talking late into the night, and bonding over your favorite movies. You’ll take college courses together, volunteer on trips, and even work on building projects. You’ll just know when it feels right.
When the time comes to celebrate your engagement, as your brother remarked, “Zero people are surprised, and 100% of those who know you two are thrilled.” Not bad for winging it through parenthood! We navigated a course we could barely see, and you did the rest. Wishing you and your wonderful bride all the best.
Sometimes, you hold on tight, and other times, you learn to gently let go.
For more insights on this topic, check out this resource or visit this authority on navigating the journey of parenthood. For further information on pregnancy and home insemination, this is an excellent resource.
In summary, parenting is a journey filled with lessons that we learn as we go. Each experience, whether challenging or joyful, shapes our understanding and strengthens our relationships. Embrace each moment, whether you’re holding on tight or learning to let go.